


dad come pick me up im scared

by scoodlespog



Category: Dream SMP - Fandom, sleepybois inc
Genre: And Tommy, Author Is Sleep Deprived, Dadza, Family Dynamics, Gen, I KNOW YOU FOUND THIS, I Wrote This Instead of Sleeping, No shipping, Techno has adhd, They Are Vibing, This Is STUPID, Tommy is a child, WHATS UP KNEECAPS YOU STUpiD BITCH, Whats up, Wilbur and Techno are twins, adhd pog, all of them have adhd, and wilbur, bedboyhalo and skeppy are there too, come get yalls juice, dream team, dude even i have adhd, god im so tired, groupchat, i dont know how this website works, i physically cant write neurotypical characters, i require food, i wrote this in the middle of english class, idk - Freeform, in college ig, its just a chatfic, lots of swearing, non-canon, omg hi hazel my beloved, pog - Freeform, school??, sleepybois, so does dream, they all have adhd bro, they arent listed as characters tho, theyre a family :D, theyre just, uhhh adhd, warning: shitty jokes, ywevrcqoeu
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-12-18
Updated: 2021-02-25
Packaged: 2021-03-10 23:00:12
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 16
Words: 18,043
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28154982
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/scoodlespog/pseuds/scoodlespog
Summary: pigman: god kinks are so weirddre: where the fuck did that come frompigman: idk but im not wrong??snapmap: theyre just preferences dude chillgogy: oooh sapnaps freakytoob: ok im leaving i dont want to see thisranboo: samenikichu: guys pls keep it pjpigman: im just sayingsnapmap: its not weird bro people are just into different things igpigman: yeah sapnaps freaky lolsnapmap: wHAT NOsnapmap: IM JUST SAYING DUDEgogy: damn when did you have this awakening spanapsnapmap: YOU GUYS SUCK SO BAD HOLY SHITvroomvroom: hi what did i missbigpog: karl save yourselfthequackster: this chat is a goddamn travestypigman: you get used to it————mcyt groupchat fic. literally that's it. it's that simple that's all this is.(rated mature because uhhhh swearing??)lowercase intended because i'm lazy and qUiRkYnew updates whenever i think a chapter is good enough or have an idea, idk, scheduling is cringe so i don’t do it B)
Relationships: Alexis | Quackity & Jschlatt & Toby Smith | Tubbo & TommyInnit, Alexis | Quackity & Karl Jacobs, Clay | Dream & GeorgeNotFound & Sapnap (Video Blogging RPF), Dave | Technoblade & TommyInnit & Wilbur Soot & Phil Watson, Eret & Floris | Fundy & Niki | Nihachu & Toby Smith | Tubbo, Ranboo & TommyInnit (Video Blogging RPF)
Comments: 105
Kudos: 550





	1. [dre has added 16 people to SiMP]

**Author's Note:**

> i have uh  
> no clue how this works  
> bear with me lol  
> Character Guide:  
> Dream: dre  
> George: georgeishidden  
> SapNap: snapmap  
> BadBoyHalo: bbhalo  
> Skeppy: skeep  
> Techno: pigman  
> Tommy: BIGMAN  
> Tubbo: toob  
> Wilbur: wiblersuit  
> Phil: bigpog  
> Ranboo: ranboo  
> Niki: nikichu  
> Eret: biandtired  
> Quackity: thequackster  
> Schlatt: gimmemoney  
> Karl: vroomvroom  
> Fundy: notafurry

11:37 AM  
toob: why is the chat called simp  
dre: cause ur all simps  
georgeishidden: i am not a simp  
bigpog: dream this is a disaster waiting to happen  
dre: good :)  
wiblersuit: can you give me admin?  
dre: why  
wiblersuit: pls it'll be funny  
dre: uh  
dre: ok  
[wiblersuit has kicked BIGMAN]  
pigman: tommy is gone pog  
bigpog: wilbur bring him back  
wiblersuit: no <3  
bigpog: wilbur please  
wiblersuit: no <333  
[dre has added BIGMAN to SiMP]  
BIGMAN: WILBUR YOU SON OF A BITCH THST WAS SO RUD I I WIL FUCKING SMIRE YOU  
wiblersuit: please leran to spell  
wiblersuit: learn*  
pigman: well done  
wiblersuit: fock off  
wiblersuit: FUCK  
quackster: eyyyyy karl  
vroomvroom: EYYY QUACKITY  
snapmap: why is your username vroomvroom  
vroomvroom: karl sounds like car  
bbhalo: i love that!  
skeep: bad! :DD  
BIGMAN: get a room omml  
wiblersuit: how did you pass school when you spell like that  
toob: i helped him :)  
BIGMAN: WILOOD AT SHCOOL AND IHRECOIWhrVIE  
pigman: that is unreadable please learn to type  
BIGMAN: I IWLL DESTRY YOU AL S  
bigpog: dream you have made a mistake  
dre: lol  
dre: yeah

2:43 AM  
toob: good morning :D  
bigpog: it is 2 am please go to sleep  
nikichu: tubbo why are you awake?  
toob: tommy quick give me an excuse  
BIGMAN: crime  
toob: i was committing crimes  
wiblersuit: i approve  
georgeishidden: you shoudlnt  
pigman: i also approve  
biandtried: please shut up im trying to watch gordon ramsay  
BIGMAN: fuck u eret  
bbhalo: language  
BIGMAN: FREEDOM OF SPEECH BITHC  
bbhalo: LANGUAGE!  
pigman: english.  
wiblersuit: fuck fuck fuck fuck fuckf cukf cufkc fuckc fuc ufkcuf cuk  
[bbhalo has left SiMP]  
[dre has added bbhalo to SiMP]  
dre: there is no escape  
bigpog: are we all awake now?  
BIGMAN: SLEEP IS FOR TEH WEAK AND I M A BIG MAN I DO NTI SLEEP  
wiblersuit: tommy you sleep with a stuffed cow shut up  
BIGMAN: NDWCI#$  
pigman: dad can i skip school tomorrow  
bigpog: what no  
pigman: cool thx  
bigpog: i said?????? no?????????  
pigman: no  
wiblersuit: dad can i get someone else to do my ohomeswork  
bigpog: nO????????  
wiblersuit: fine

12:13 PM  
BIGMAN: DAD FEHRIWVE  
bigpog: yes hi, what do you want tommy  
BIGMAN: WILBURT IS BULYING ME  
wiblersuit: you were being annoying  
BIGMAN: LET OUT MOUT OF THE CLOS$T  
wiblersuit: nah  
bigpog: what happened  
pigman: tommy took wilburs pens and scattered them around school so wilbur locked him in the janitors closet. it was pretty funny.  
bigpog: lmao leave him in there  
BIGMAN: WHA?T N O  
toob: lol  
wiblersuit: HAH  
BIGMAN: NO PHIL COME ON YOUrE SUPPOSED TO BE THE NICE ONE  
bigpog: since when  
BIGMAN: I WILL SUE YOUR WHOEL AFAMILY  
pigman: good luck with that, child  
BIGMAN: I AM NOt A CHILD  
toob: you're the youngest  
BIGMAN: NERWICTVETBWEB  
biandtired: listen i love you all so very much but my phone is vibrating itself off the table and the teacher looks like he's about to fucking murder me so please shut the hell up  
BIGMAN: ERET HELPPPP  
wiblersuit: dont help him its funny

1:03 PM  
BIGMAN: wilbur please let me out  
BIGMAN: my teachers are going to kill me  
wiblersuit: where are my fucking pens  
BIGMAN: tubbo where are the pens  
toob: was i supposed to get them???  
BIGMAN: YES YTUBBO OF CURS$ YUOU WERE EHWRHIHC  
ranboo: which closet are you in  
BIGMAN: the one to the left of the entrance  
ranboo: what  
wiblersuit: the south closet  
wiblersuit: pls dont let him out owbcie  
ranboo: ok

1:34 PM  
BIGMAN: dad please help  
bigpog: wilbur is he still in the fucking closet  
wiblersuit: no?  
BIGMAN: yes i aMYOUVE BEEN LAUGHING AT ME FOR THE PADYT HOUR  
bigpog: ok ill come pick you up  
BIGMAN: THANK YOUEW I  
toob: sorry for not helping tommy  
BIGMAN: I DO TNEO FR+OGRGRTIVE YOU  
pigman: i know we're supposed to be feeling guilty, but god tommy you need to learn to type properly that is illegible  
BIGMAN: YOURE ELIGDSNG BLE YIOU SUN VON F BITCH  
pigman: mmhmm yes very cool  
toob: he said you were illegible  
pigman: thank you tubbo  
bigpog: wilbur youre grounded  
wiblersuit: WHAT NO   
wiblersuit: WHY  
bigpog: because you trapped tommy in a closet for several hours???????  
ranboo: thats fair  
ranboo: niki do we have any granola bars  
nikichu: i don't think so  
ranboo: eret can you get us granola bars  
biandtired: no im at work rn  
ranboo: bummer  
BIGMAN: WILBUR WHERE ARE YOU IM GONNA BEAT UYOURE ASS  
wiblersuit: im nowhere and everywhere all at once  
dre: hes with me and schlatt  
pigman: its shclatt and i, dream  
dre: fuck you <3  
pigman: maybe later <33  
bbhalo: language  
quackster: phil can you ground tommy  
BIGMAN: WHAT FYTEH FUCK  
bigpog: oh god what did he do  
quackster: idk i just thought it'd be funny lol  
vroomvroom: haha  
vroomvroom: funn e  
georgeishidden: guys shut up  
skeep: comedy  
wiblersuit: haha cumedy  
pigman: gross  
bbhalo: LANGUAGE  
snapmap: fuck  
BIGMAN: SHIT  
snapmap: cock  
[bbhalo has left SiMP]  
[dre has added bbhalo to SiMP]  
dre: (:  
bbhalo: >:(


	2. haha vaping pog

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> wilbur is grounded poggg

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> this might have a story eventually idk
> 
> probably not lol  
> (i swear schlatt will be in this chapter-)

3:57 PM  
bigpog: wilbur.  
wiblersuit: yeah  
bigpog: why is there a vape in your room.  
BIGMAN: ooooooooooooh  
pigman: damb  
toob: wilbur vapes?????  
snapmap: LMAO PASS THAT SHIT  
bigpog: wilbur. answer me.  
wiblersuit: i think it's schlatts?  
gimmemoney: nah man i keep mine in my closet  
wilbersuit: weretn you over the other day???  
gimmemoney: wtf no

PRIVATE MESSAGE - wiblersuit & gimmemoney  
3:59 PM  
wiblersuit: BACK ME UP HERE MY DADS GONNA KILL ME  
gimmemoney: but im not a liar, wilbur  
gimmemoney: unlike some people  
wiblersuit: SCHLATT PLEASE  
gimmemoney: im not the one who was caught selling drugs two months ago, wilbur~  
wiblersuit: dude please my dads gonna kick me out i need help here  
gimmemoney: you can stay with me if you get thrown out  
wiblersuit: you are a bad person  
gimmemoney: mwah mwah <3

SiMP  
4:01 PM  
bigpog: wilbur, answer me  
wiblersuit: i swear it's not mine i swear  
bigpog: uh huh  
wiblersuit: where even was it  
BIGMAN: i found it just lying on your befd lamod  
pigman: wilbur youve gotten careless  
wiblersuit: ITS NOT MINE  
gimmemoney: what does it look like  
wiblersuit: how would i know its not mine  
bigpog: its a blue one?  
gimmemoney: yeah its wilburs  
bigpog: wilbur come home  
wiblersuit: SCHLATT WHAT THE FUCK  
bigpog: wilbur  
wiblersuit: DUDE WHAT REWHIWvH'  
pigman: ooh wilburs in troubllleee  
bigpog: all of you hush. wilbur come home. tommy go to tubbos  
BIGMAN: WHSY SDIQF  
toob: yay! tommy tommy did i tell you about my new room  
BIGMAN: ok ill come over duicqwouecv  
wiblersuit: dad i swear it isnt fucking mine  
gimmemoney: ohh wilbur dont lie to your dad >:(  
wiblersuit: SHUT UP SCHLATT I SWEAR TO GOD YOU ARE AN AWFUL FUCKING PERSON  
gimmemoney: love you too babe  
wiblersuit: FUCK OF F

2:54 AM  
pigman: dream  
dre: yeah whats up  
pigman: can i come over  
pigman: its too loud here  
pigman: dad and wilbur are still arguing but like out loud this time  
dre: yeah for sure for sure  
snapmap: will you throw off the vibes  
dre: oh yeah sapnap is also here  
snapmap: damn straight  
pigman: dad pls shut up you are way too loud  
BIGMAN: lol imagine having to listen to that sounds cringe  
pigman: fuck off child  
BIGMAN: I AM TEWIC EHT EMAN YOU WIDKL EEVER BE  
pigman: sure thing, spelling error

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i accidentally gave this a story uh-


	3. wilbur is uhhh grounded again lmao

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> why are people giving this kudos what the hell??? where did you people come from??????? this is so poorly written and Not Funny literally why

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> tommy is my unedited texting. that is literally how i type most of the time. i am not kidding.

4:21 AM  
pigman: dad are you and wilbur done  
bigpog: yes, we're done  
gimmemoney: did you kick him out  
bigpog: what?? no what the fuck???  
gimmemoney: lame i could live with wilbur  
BIGMAN: technoooo come home its so boringggg  
pigman: nah im in the middle of destroying dream and sapnap in uno  
dre: youre not good at this its just dumb luck  
pigman: and yet i am still destroying you  
snapmap: im doing amazing  
dre: you have not won even a single time  
snapmap: fuck you <3  
dre: i would rather die  
snapmap: OK WOW RUDE  
snapmap: WHAT THE HELL  
ranboo: eret can you get granola bars  
biandtired: it is 4 am  
ranboo: and???  
nikichu: the stores are closed  
ranboo: that sounds like a you problem, i want mine granola bars  
BIGMAN: i will stela ythem for u ranbifo  
toob: please dont rob anything tommy  
toob: tommy please confirm that you are not robbing a store  
BIGMAN: i am not robbing a store  
pigman: i could read that, hes lying  
BIGMAN: HOW DA?ER YOU ACCUSE ME RPG F LYING YOUF BITHCH  
ranboo: bring me granola bars, child  
BIGMAN: call em fh cikd loine mo time and iwnmma sstart shtabbing shit  
pigman: phil can we please get tommy typing lessons  
bigpog: lol sure

8:14 AM  
pigman: dad please get wilbur to shut up he wont stop asking to use my phone  
bigpog: deal with it  
pigman: i wont say i hate you because i dont but god youre annoying sometimes.  
bigpog: i have the ability to ground you  
pigman: bad parenting  
BIGMAN: AAAMNENDN  
pigman: what  
toob: he's agreeing with you  
BIGMAN: DAD HELPLPDEFJjprgjjjjjjjjjjj  
BIGMAN: lol  
bigpog: wtf is happening  
BIGMAN: nothgnifnuibi  
bigpog: uhhhhh ok?  
pigman: tommy u good  
toob: i think hes ok???  
nikichu: ranboo i have your granola bars  
ranboo: YOU ARE A GODSEND NIHACHU  
biandtired: can i have some  
ranboo: ill allow it.  
biandtired: cool B)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> short chapter cause im working on like four things at once, i apologize. have a nice day.


	4. chapter titles are annoying, fuck that

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> it is 3 am at the time of writing this. i am very sleepy, and you can tell. i apologize in advance.

3:33 AM  
BIGMAN: lmao i stole tommys phone  
dre: pog  
BIGMAN: its wilbur btw lol  
ranboo: phils gonna kill you  
ranboo: like hes going to actually murder you  
nikichu: no, tommys gonna kill him  
ranboo: oh right uh yeah  
biandtired: guys it is 3 am please let me sleep  
BIGMAN: no <3

4:20 AM  
gimmemoney: LMAO 420

5:44 AM  
BIGMAN: guess whos still awake lmao  
bigpog: tommy why are you awake  
BIGMAN: big meng od nto slepep father  
bigpog: ...ok?  
gimmemoney: wilbur stole tommys phone lmao  
gimmemoney: hes at my place  
BIGMAN: you are a bad person  
gimmemoney: hehe yeah <33

bigpog: wilbur im coming to pick you up  
BIGMAN: dad pleas eno  
bigpog: you have no say  
BIGMAN: tommy is a child he doesn't need aphone  
pigman: guys stfu i'm sleeping  
BIGMAN: no <3  
BIGMAN: holy shit i just realized i have ultimate power on tommys phone  
gimmemoney: for those who are not here wilbur is laughing maniaclly  
pigman: maniacally  
pigman: idiot  
gimmemoney: lol nerd  
pigman: capitalism is cringe  
gimmemoney: capitalism is my brand  
pigman: i do not respect you  
gimmemoney: yeah i get that a lot  
[BIGMAN has changed his username to child]  
child: LMAO YESS  
child: HE CANT CHANGE IT BACK FOR AT LEAST A DAY YESSSSS  
gimmemoney: CHILDINNIT  
pigman: childinnit  
bigpog: listen as funny as that is i rlly need you to give tommy his phone back  
child: no<3  
bigpog: you cant just say no<3 to everything i say  
child: watch me <3  
gimmemoney: wilbur you sound like you cant breathe are you ok  
child: no <3  
biandtired: this is just what i like to wake up to in the morning  
pigman: leave while you have the chance  
gimmemoney: wilbur is no longer here  
child: lmao try and catch me now phil  
bigpog: ok listen the choice to ground you was 100% justified now stop being a little bitch and give me back my phone  
child: this is borderline child abuse  
bigpog: tommy took my phone to say that, sorry  
bigpog: but yeah, get back here wil  
child: no <3  
bigpog: william i stg  
child no <333  
pigman: sleeping is no longer an option then??  
biandtired: i guess not  
ranboo: why was i woken up only to see over 100 notifications  
biantired: i am asking myself the same thing  
pigman: long story  
child: tommys a bitch so i took his phone  
bigpog: no i found wilburs vape so i grounded him  
bigpog: AND NOW HES BGIENG A LITLLE BTICH DGIGE TI ABCl  
bigpog: yes thank you tommy  
pigman: youre probably never getting it back toms  
gimmemoney: ok yeah wilbur just straight up dipped  
gimmemoney: he is Gone  
child: yeah lol  
ranboo: do not come here i dont want this  
child: is niki awake  
biandtired: no its just me and ranboo  
ranboo: pls dont invite him over i cant deal with this at 6 in the morning  
biandtired: i wont  
nikichu: wil can come over, its ok :)  
ranboo: NIKI NO  
child: thank you niki <3  
ranboo: WHAT HA?VE YOU DIONE  
pigman: ah yes  
pigman: ~dione~  
ranboo: NIKI PLEAS REVOKE THE INVITASTION  
pigman: ah yes  
pigman: ~invitastion~  
ranboo: TECHON STOP IM HAVVING A CRISIS  
pigman: awww but bullying children is my brand  
child: bully tommy while im gone  
pigman: but tommy is too easy  
dre: guys wtf it is 6 in the morning  
georgeishidden: disgusting  
bbhalo: good morning everyone :D  
ranboo: NOT THE TIME BAD  
child: (pssst niki)  
nikichu: yes wil  
child: (im not actually coming over, im just saying this to throw phil off my trail)  
nikichu: you do realize phil can read this  
child: shhhhh no he cant  
bigpog: wil where are you im worried  
child: no <3  
pigman: tommy is very upset that you changed his username. its funny.  
child: good that was the goal  
skeep: hello gang, what chaos is happening now  
child: oh are we all awake?  
skeep: pretty much  
child: wonderful. how many of you are willing to let me visit?  
bigpog: wilbur our house is always open  
child: shush, philza minecraft  
bbhalo: i'm always open to a visit  
skeep: same  
georgeishidden: why would i ever allow you in my house  
dre: i live in florida  
pigman: no you live in dream smp. wilbur is (obviously) in lmanburg. everywhere is pretty close together. youre dumb  
dre: fuck you <3  
pigman: not interested <33  
dre: bet <333  
snapmap: bold of you to assume i have a house  
georgeishidden: hes at my place  
georgeishidden: sapnap is at my place, not wilbur  
child: youll never take me alive  
bigpog: wilbur pls come home i dont wnat you getting hurt  
child: no <3  
pigman: phil can i go to dreams place  
bigpog: go ahead, i dont control you  
child: i smell favouritism~  
bigpog: ridiculous  
dre: hi im dream and im big and lazy and stupid and dont do the dishes when im told to. i also leave my wt towels on the bathroom floor and dont put away the milk after having cereal. i am dumb and stupid and my sister is just so much cooler than me uwu im so cool and egotistical i suck at minecraft and its actually just my sister playing everything is a lie we live in a simulation  
snapmap: hi drista  
dre: lol hey  
bigpog: HEYYY DRISTA MY EFIRNSD  
dre: hi tommy  
bigpog: YOU AERE A PAD EBREPDEMS  
dre: does he always type this bad  
pigman: you get used to it  
dre: alright  
dre: jkjjhhhhgjdfbgifu  
dre: fuck sorry my sister stole my phone  
snapmap: we know  
georgeishidden: wilbur is being oddly silent  
bigpog: im worried can someone call him?  
pigman: you are literally his father  
bigpog: yes but i also have to deal with tommy  
pigman: fair enough ill call him 

\--

wilbur's phone rang. the person calling was "Techno-Chan". wilbur picked up.  
"hello?" he said quietly.  
"where the fuck are you," techno's tired voice came through the speaker. "phil's worried and tommy's going insane."  
wilbur snorted. "wouldn't you like to know, weather boy,"  
he hung up.

\--

7:45 AM  
pigman: phil your son is the worst  
bigpog: this could apply to literally any of you please specify  
child: wow rude  
pigman: wilbur is the worst  
child: also rude  
pigman: and hes fine  
child: watch me get hit by a car rn  
pigman: bet  
child: techno what does that mean  
child: techno  
child: techno why arent you answering  
bigpog: techno is pulling out of the driveway  
child: he doesnt know my location  
pigman: bet  
child: FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCKFU C HOW FIDD YOU FIDN FME  
bigpog: LMAO GET HIM PIG BOY  
child: D A D  
dre: RUN HIM OVERRRRR  
pigman: i wont run you over if you come home  
child: fuck you <3  
pigman: i have him, phil  
bigpog: you are a lifesaver  
pigman: nvm he threw tommys phone out the window  
bigpog: im sorry what  
pigman: hes panicking now gimme a second  
bigpog: tommy has something to say hold on  
bigpog: WILBUBTR WHAT TEH FU CK WHSY DI TYOU THEWO WNY MHY PHOE N YOUAS DLFFUCKGIND FNCTBIDCH HOW DARE RYOU KiI IWL KIL EVERYONE YOU FLIVEO  
dre: thank you for this very helpful contributioun tommy  
georgeishidden: ah yes  
georgeishidden: ~contributioun~  
dre: literally fcuk off  
snapmap: ah yes  
dre: st op  
snapmap: ~fcuk~  
dre: i will block you  
snapmap: bet  
snapmap: BRO YOU ACTUALLY BLOCKED ME  
dre: :)  
georgeishidden: imagine being blocked couldnt be me  
georgeishidden: dream loves me too much  
dre: <333  
georgeishidden: <3333333  
snapmap: i am third wheeling and i Do Not Like It  
biandtired: you get used to it  
pigman: ok im back  
pigman: wilbur is breathing again, and ive found tommys phone  
bigpog: how bad is the damage  
pigman: shattered???  
bigpog: fuck ok  
bigpog: tell wilbur i can pay for it  
pigman: hes lowkey crying lol  
bigpog: thats not funny  
dre: its kinda funny  
biandtired: tell him i feel bad  
pigman: "don't patronize me" -wilbur  
toob: what does patronize mean?  
ranboo: i could not tell you even if i tried  
pigman: im driving now everyone stfu  
dre: no <3  
dre: uwu  
georgeishidden: i hate you in so many different ways  
dre: hey george  
dre: hve you heard heatwaves :3  
georgeishidden: fucking stO P  
snapmap: we get it you two are gay for each other  
georgeishidden: ew  
dre: im hurt  
georgeishidden: good <3  
dre: george :(  
georgeishidden: what now  
dre: you made me sad :(((  
georgeishidden: thats was the goal, yeah  
dre: wow fuck you  
georgeishidden: ew  
dre: and youve been blocked  
georgeishidden: wow ok rude  
pigman: phil i might go get tommys phone fixed  
bigpog: dont bother, he needed a new one anyways  
pigman: ok dont tell wilbur i told you but i can def hear him crying and i think he feels really bad and didnt think ahead and uhhh just tell tommy to go easy on him  
bigpog: my lips are sealed  
pigman: cool, thank you  
pigman: he really does seem upset  
biandtired: give him my love  
nikichu: mine too  
ranboo: not mine, i barely know him  
[dre has changed georgeishidden's name to gogy]  
gogy: how tf did you do that  
dre: magic  
gogy: why can i not change it back wtf  
dre: magic  
gogy: im offended  
snapmap: did you just hack into georges account  
dre: nooooo i would neeeever  
gogy: DREAM WHAT THE HELL  
dre: :))))  
gogy: D R E A M  
pigman: lmao gogy  
dre: yeah lmao  
ranboo: it just hit me that i am tlaking to a bunch of adults  
ranboo: this is very strange  
toob: wait yeah  
ranboo: i feel so small  
toob: you get used to it ig  
dre: we can pretend we're all in high school if you want  
ranboo: actually that sounds interesting, please do  
dre: haha dab dab dab  
ranboo: nevermind please stop  
snapmap: imagine not being in college lmao  
pigman: imagine still being in college  
snapmap: whatever dropout  
bigpog: techno dont text and drive you dumbass  
pigman: wow i feel so loved right now  
bigpog: TECHNO EYES ON THE ROAD  
pigman: ok jeez  
toob: bro it is 8 in the morning  
ranboo: eventful day i guess?

\--

wilbur followed techno into the house, his head hung low. he wasn't sure why he had thrown the phone, and god he regretted it. he was so scared that phil was going to be angry, that he was going to get yelled at or thrown out or something, he wasn't sure. he was such a fucking idiot, why couldn't he just have fucking impulse control like a normal person?

"dad, we're back" techno called as he opened the door. he hung his keys on the key holder thing wilbur had never bothered to learn the name of.

footsteps sounded around the corner, and phil emerged, his face tied in worry. when he saw wilbur, his shoulders visibly relaxed. "wil, oh my god," he rushed forward, wrapping the boy in a hug. "i was so worried you had gotten lost. i mean sure, i'm pissed, but god you scared me," he pulled away, inspecting wilbur for injuries.

if wilbur had started to cry, no one had to know. if the three lads had hugged in the laundry room for several minutes, no one had to know.

"wilbur, you bitch!" tommy yelled when wilbur walked into the living room. "you broke my fucking phone, you bitch! how dare you!"

wilbur grabbed tommy and hugged him, ignoring his protests. "i hate you," he muttered. he really hoped tommy knew he didn't.

tommy finally gave up, hugging wilbur back. "fuck you," he said. "i was scared you were gonna get hit by a car or something, you dumbass."

they stood in silence. phil and techno just kinda... stood there awkwardly.

the silence was broken by tommy saying "you owe me a phone you bastard,"

\--

12: 01 PM  
ranboo: being quiet now, are we?  
biandtired: yeah i dont trust it  
nikichu: shhhhh just let it be, i'm enjoying the peace  
toob: i miss tommy   
pigman: hes complaining about missing you too, dont worry  
toob: tell him hes clingy  
pigman: he says something about you being a dick  
toob: as he should, as he should  
ranboo: its too peaceful i dont like it  
bigpog: its because wilbur no longer has access to this chat  
bigpog: im not enjoying his mood rn, hes sulking  
pigman: lol nerd  
ranboo: rip wilburs mental stability  
pigman: wtf is mental stability  
dre: idk dude  
pigman: ok you know detroit become humamn?  
dre: ah yes  
dre: ~humamn~  
pigman: i deserved that tbh  
dre: also yes  
pigman: yeah uh my adhd is acting up and i cant fckignibewi  
nikichu: wow technos first keysmash  
pigman: listen  
pigman: im   
pigman: i have no excuse  
pigman: only shame  
dre: good  
gogy: dream pls change my name back  
dre: no <3  
bbhalo: what is it with you people and saying no <3  
skeep: cause its funny  
ranboo: funn e  
toob: ok this is boring someone fo something stupid  
dre: fucking gladly  
dre: [roof.png]  
gogy: please dont tell me youre on the fucking roof  
bbhalo: language  
dre: imma jump off  
snapmap: DREAM NO  
gogy: THATR EI THAT WILL RESULT IN DEATH DONT DO THAT  
bbhalo: D R EAM  
pigman: do a flip  
dre: watch me  
bigpog: get off the roof bro  
dre: your not my dad  
pigman: youre*  
dre: fuck off bro im doing something stupid  
toob: ok i know i asked for this but this is to extreme pls get off the roof  
dre: lame  
dre: ok im back in my room  
snapmap: thank fuck  
bbhalo: language  
gogy: boo hoo im badboyhalo and i cant handle any naughty words wahhhh  
dre: oooh im badboyhalo and i dont like words like penis and fuck  
bbhalo: LANGUAGE  
snapmap: bullying bad gang lets goooo  
nikichu: ranboo did you eat all the fucking granola bars in one day  
ranboo: i would never do such a thing  
nikichu: where did they all go  
ranboo: to be fair you and eret had a couple  
nikichu: ranboo you cant just survive on granola bars  
ranboo: watch me  
biandtired: do you... want me to get more?  
nikichu: no he'll just eat them all again  
ranboo: no no, pls get more  
toob: ranboo you have a granola bar problem  
ranboo: i dont have a problem what are you talking about  
nikichu: eret where are you going why is the garage opening  
nikichu: eret  
biandtired: what kind are the best ranboo  
nikichu: ERET  
ranboo: the ones that come in the blue packaging  
biandtired: wonderful, thank you  
nikichu: im done with you people  
ranboo: you literally signed up for this  
nikichu: i know and i dont regret it but god do i hate you guys right now  
toob: ranboo can i have some  
ranboo: mmmmmm fine  
biandtired: im buying like four boxes  
nikichu: they'll be gone by tomorrow just watch  
ranboo: is that a challenge  
dre: yes it is  
nikichu: no it isnt  
dre: do it i dare you  
ranboo: alright  
nikichu: dream you are enabling this and i really dont wnat that  
dre: ah yes  
dre: ~wnat~  
nikichu: ok shut up. ranboo, do not take the challenge. eret, hide the bars.  
ranboo: booooooooo  
toob: boooooooo  
dre: booooooooooo niki is no fun boooooo  
nikichu: im looking out for you, ranboo  
ranboo: well can you stop  
nikichu: no <3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i also do not know what website/app they are using so do not bother asking  
> ok actual notes: i love niki, lowkey projecting on ranboo and techno here, and uhhhhhhhhhhh im aplogize if you decided to read the little mini stories im so shit at writing im sorry  
> this was started at about 3 am and i finished wirting it and 4:59 PM two days later. i am the god of procrastination. ok byt im gonna go watch a movie which will poroblably yinspire tnw next chapter  
> uwu


	5. i just want to sleep, dude. fuck off.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> uhhh wilbur is sad now lol

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> props to the person who said that ranboo has a secret stash of granola bars, because yes that is absolutely cannon now i have just decided. also i was watching a movie while writing this, and tou can tell because ieugfwuyv movei chat

5:08 PM  
ranboo: man they really put the line "is daddy still mad at me" in a kids movie  
toob: what movie is this  
ranboo: igor  
nikichu: objectively speaking this is Not A Kids Movie  
biandtired: its horrifying, i think you would like it  
toob: really?  
nikichu: its not that bad tbh  
ranboo: it gave me nightmares as a kid :D  
biantired: this movie straight up has slavery  
ranboo: haha  
ranboo: yeah it does  
dre: racism is not pog  
gimmemoney: i disagree  
pigman: you capitalist pig  
gimmemoney: have you read your username  
pigman: i cant read  
snapmap: buddy you were an english major  
pigman: and?  
dre: just let him have this  
gimmemoney: lmao hes a commieeee  
pigman: its pronounced anarchist, dumbass  
bigpog: tubbo tommy wants to say hello  
toob: hi tommy :D  
nikichu: wow the animation is just so bad  
ranboo: i love it  
biandtired: its so shit its perfect  
bigpog: rate the movie on how much it would make tommy cry  
nikichu: you are a bad parent  
bigpog: wilbur told me to say that do not pin this on me  
biandtired: id rate it a solid 7  
pigman: dad can we watch igor tonight  
pigman: tommy is such a little wimp he wont be able to handle it  
ranboo: hell be fine, its really not that bad  
dre: make him cry  
gogy: make him cry  
snapmap: make him cry  
pigman: make him cry  
pigman: god kinks are so weird  
dre: where the fuck did that come from  
pigman: idk but im not wrong??  
snapmap: theyre just preferences dude chill  
gogy: oooh sapnaps freaky  
toob: ok im leaving i dont want to see this  
ranboo: same  
nikichu: guys pls keep it pj  
pigman: im just saying  
snapmap: its not weird bro people are just into different things ig  
pigman: yeah sapnaps freaky lol  
snapmap: wHAT NO  
snapmap: IM JUST SAYING DUDE  
gogy: damn when did you have this awakening spanap  
snapmap: YOU GUYS SUCK SO BAD HOLY SHIT  
vroomvroom: hi what did i miss  
bigpog: karl save yourself  
thequackster: this chat is a goddamn travesty  
pigman: you get used to it

8:16 PM  
nikichu: RANBOO WHERE ARE THE GODDAMN GRANOLA BARS  
ranboo: what granola bars  
nikichu: THE FOUR BOXES THAT ERET BOUGHT ERALIER TODAY  
biandtired: wait are they all gone  
nikichu: Y E S  
ranboo: really? cant imagine why  
thequackster: ranboo we need to get you into rehab  
vroomvroom: youre addicted to the bars, man  
pigman: i dont see a problem with crippling addictions  
toob: neither does wilbur apparently  
dre: WOAHHH  
snapmap: TUBB O  
pigman: too soon, man  
toob: oh sorry  
bigpog: i am lending tommy my phone cause he wont stop complaining  
dre: oh god  
bigpog: TUBBOOOOO  
toob: TOMMY :DD  
bigpog: IRWEICERBC I WIL KILL EWILFBUR I WANRHEITWEVVI  
toob: i missed you too tommy :)  
bigpog: i wanana comomit arsin  
toob: ooooh arsin!  
pigmsn: its spelled arson you fools  
toob: oh  
bigpog: i am dnot a fool  
pigman: clearly.  
pigman: back to crippling addictions has anyone heard of the art of war?  
bigpog: fiufciqewb shut u P ABTOUW THAT DAMN BOOK  
pigman: NO ITS SO GOOD TOMMY YOU DONT UNDERTSAND  
gimmemoney: we get it your a nerd  
pigman: you're*  
pigman: dude its just so good  
gogy: no one wants to hear about your nerdy war book dude  
dre: lay off, george  
dre: you can tell me abt it later ok  
pigman: ewhjcw.khvo thank you  
nikichu: techno's second keysmash im so proud  
pigman: im excited shut up  
bigpog: wahst happenigng on twtitere big t  
toob: nohing, rlly  
bigpog: i see  
bigpog: it's phil. i have my phone back.  
ranboo: its too calm  
biandtired: bring back wilburrr  
bigpog: nope,hes grounded  
ranboo: bad parenting  
dre: i agree  
bigpog: jfc fine  
wilbersuit: hi  
gimmemoney: WILBURRR  
pigman: hey  
gogy: hi wilbur  
nikichu: wil :D  
wilbersuit: niki :D  
wilbersuit: as much as i want to cause chaos im just rlly tired  
nikichu: u ok?  
wilbersuit: yeah just tired like i said  
pigman: *doubt*  
wilbersuit: shut the hell up pig furry  
pigman: the fuck did you just call me  
wilbersuit: you heard me  
bigpog: i might regret this later  
wilbersuit: im going to bed  
pigman: its only 9???  
wilbersuit: im tired fuck off

\--

"ok what the hell," techno closed wilbur's door behind him and sat himself down on the foot of wilbur's bed. "you never go to bed before 1 in the damn morning, what the hell is up,"

wilbur groaned and covered his head with a pillow. "i'm just fucking tired, techno. go away,"

silence.

techno leaned forward and poked his brothers cheek from where it peeked out from under the pillow. "wilbur," he said, dragging out the vowels. "wilbur, talk to me, what's bothering you,"

wilbur swatted his hand away.

"wilbur," techno punched his brothers arm, earning a surprised yelp.

"what the fuck, dude?!" wilbur said, punching techno back. it didn't hurt, like, at all.

techno crossed his arms. "stop lyin'." he said simply. "what's going on,"

wilbur sighed and hid under his blankets. "i'm just... tired," they were the same words, but techno caught the tone. it was different. wilbur was never good at finding the right words, and techno just had to lean to understand. tired must have meant something else. wilbur sounded... sad, almost? tired was the right word, i suppose.

techno lied down beside his brother, pushing their backs together. "ok," he said, unsure of how to continue the conversation. "i'm here, y'know?"

"i know,"

"please talk to me sometimes,"

"i know, tech,"

"i don-"

"i know, dude," wilbur snapped, swinging his arm to hit his brother, missing horribly. "i just want to sleep right now,"

techno sighed.

"ok,"

\--

11:57 PM  
ranboo: all nighter pog?  
nikichu: ranboo no  
toob: all nighter pog!  
biandtired: fuck it why not  
nikichu: you guys do whatever you want, i'm going to bed.  
ranboo: boooooooo  
dre: boooooooo  
snapmap: laaaaame  
gogy: booooooo  
ranboo: sapnap you ruined it  
gimmemoney: yeah he tends to do that  
snapmap: that was so fucking ruse i cant believe this im being slandered in my own damn home  
toob: but we're texting  
snapmap: and????  
nikichu: im leaving, its too late for this  
ranboo: happy midnight niki :D  
nikichu: yes, you too ranboo  
ranboo: awww you do care :)  
nikichu: yes???? oviously????????  
biandtired: go to bed, niki, i can handle the children  
gimmemoney: im older than you  
biandtired: youre a child  
gimmemoney: so this is how tommy feels


	6. chapter titles are dumb bro

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> yooo christmas eve pog :D (not me forgetting wilbur’s username in the previous chapter wjdvwjsv)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ok srsly there is so much support for this and i don’t know how i can express my thanks with words (you know how i’m a terrible writer) so just.... thank you. seriously. like jesus this is very scary people are actually reading this, it’s terrifying.  
> and. not to ruin the moment but uh... i have an instagram account where i post my art and stuff (and i have a very slow comic kwvsjwvs) so if you’re interested uh... @scoodles.doodless on instagram lmao  
> ok sorry for my incessant rambling, i know what you came here for.  
> the bullshit.  
> i wanted more quackity and karl so there’s more fucking quackity and karl.

4:27 AM

wiblersuit: good morning, whores  
thequackster: hi wilbur  
wiblersuit: how are you  
thequackster: oh i’m great  
thequackster: just doing some last minute shopping for christmas  
wiblersuit: christmas is tomorrow dude  
thequackster: yes i know  
pigman: did you know that wilbur means wild boar  
wiblersuit: yeah we’re twins techno everyone knows we got it  
pigman: i do not associate with you  
wiblersuit: as you should, as you should  
thequackster: dude i am so bad at gifts fuck this  
wiblersuit: christmas is tomorrow this is literally your only chance  
thequackster: that’s what you think  
wiblersuit: yeah sure don’t listen to me  
bigpog: wilbur go tf to sleep  
wiblersuit: techno is also????? awake??????  
bigpog: wilbu go the fuck to sleep  
wiblersuit: FAVOURITISM  
thequackster: LMAO PHIL HAS A FAVOURITE AND IT IS ABSOLUTELY NOT YOU  
pigman: as he should  
wiblersuit: i’m hurt, phil  
bigpog: what happened to you calling me dad  
wiblersuit: idk phil sounds more official

5:49 PM  
ranboo: chats awfully quiet today  
bigpog: it’s christmas eve, of course we’re busy  
ranboo: lame  
pigman: wilburrrrr come downstairs  
wiblersuit: make me  
pigman: we’re watching star wars pls come  
wiblersuit: you do this every year what’s the point dude  
pigman: TRADITION. JOIN US.  
bigpog: wilbur please, we’ve barely seen you all day  
wiblersuit: ugh, fine  
thequackster: man i love star wars  
vroomvroom: i love jarjar binks, he’s funny  
thequackster: your opinion is both invalid and wrong, jar-jar is the worst  
pigman: fuck jarjar. all my homies hate jarjar.  
vroomvroom: am i not a homie?  
pigman: not anymore you aren’t  
vroomvroom: ok :(  
snapmap: you can be my homie karl  
vroomvroom: POG  
vroomvroom: FUCK YOU TECHNO  
pigman: the name star wars is so fundamentally stupid but no one points it out  
snapmap: choke and die, that title is genius  
pigman: we get it you’re kinky  
snapmap: SHUT UP OH MY GOD  
toon: hi everyone!  
wiblersuit: hello tubbo  
bigpog: wilbur and techno pls get off your phones  
pigman: make me, old man  
wiblersuit: no <3  
bigpog: i regret ever adopting you two jfc  
pigman: wow rude  
pigman: wilbur are you ok  
wiblersuit: just watch the movie.  
ranboo: oh god a passive aggressive period oh god oh no  
nikichu: is wilbur ok??  
pigman: i don’t???? know????????  
thequackster: lmao rip wilbur’s mental state  
thequackster: you fucked up phil  
bigpog: i know, fuck uhhhh  
bigpog: gimme a second  
pigman: anyways i fucking hate jar jar binks  
thequackster: amen dude  
vroomvroom: i will not stand for this jar jar slander in my house  
dre: it’s my house  
dre: and i don’t care abt star wars  
pigman: can i please kick you out  
dre: no you cannot  
gogy: y’all stfu i’m trying to wrap gifts and my phone is binging so much that i can’t focus  
dre: binging isn’t a word  
pigman: yes it is, dream. you’re an idiot.  
dre: ok wow that was uncool  
thequackster: isn’t that like when you watch all the episodes of a show  
pigman: no that’s bingeing you bumbling fool  
thequackster: well fuck you to then  
pigman: too*  
gogy: techno is cringe  
dre: i agree, techno is cringe  
pigman: this is technophobic  
gogy: that doesn’t exist  
pigman: yes it does uwu  
dre: i hated that pls never say uwu again  
pigman: uwu

—

phil shut the door to wilbur’s room quietly, turning to face his son. “wilbur i-“

“save it,” wilbur snapped. “i don’t care, ok? it was a joke, and you didn’t mean it, or whatever. i know,”

phil sighed. “i know you’re upset, but-“

“i don’t care!” wilbur was close to yelling. 

he caught his father’s expression, anger mixed with surprise. no guilt was discernible. 

“do not yell at me, young man,” phil said, his voice dangerous. 

wilbur swallowed. “sorry,” he muttered. “i’m tired. can i please just go to bed?”

phil sighed, wrapping his son in a tight hug. “ok. i’m sorry,” his voice was soft. “i’ll let you sleep. do you need anything?”

wilbur shook his head. 

phil nodded and felt wilbur return the hug after a moment. they stood in silence, listening to the movie coming from downstairs and techno’s loud criticisms. when phil felt wilbur’s shoulders start to sag, he picked up his son with a groan. he placed him on the bed with a quiet sigh. 

he could sleep for now.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> lmao i’m so sorry is v short and the last bit sucks ass, but i was busy all day with christmas shit and aksbksvsn idk dude  
> anyways, i may or may not do a Christmas Update tomorrow, idk we’ll see. just like.... idk keep your eyes peeled?? i dunno.   
> so yeah, i’m case i don’t, happy holidays and uhhhhh  
> uwu


	7. Therapy With Niki

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> im back in school and i accidentally left my laptop abandoned for a while, sorry bout that-  
> also wilbur is still sad. so. rip?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> not me leaving this story for like two weeks then returning with a long ass chapter  
> and once again, thank you for all the love on this story, it actually does motivate me to actually get off my ass and write something (which doesn't happen often. i'm an artist, not a writer. we've been over this.)  
> anyways, enjoy!  
> sorry again for not updating for a while-  
> (uwuw angst pog)

8:20 PM  
nikichu: are yall ready for school lmao  
toob: we get it niki, you have a job and dont have to go to school  
nikichu: owo  
notafurry: imagine going to school  
pigman: cringe  
ranboo: this is slander  
wilbersuit: dad can i skip classes today  
bigpog: no?????? what thef cuk????  
wilbersuit: pls im so tired  
pigman: you slept literally all day  
wilbersuit: stfu im tired  
pigman: knock knock bitch, lemme in  
wilbersuit: lol no  
pigman: i will kick this door down  
wilbersuit: id like to see u try  
wilbersuit: dad i need a new door  
gimmemoney: no you dont <333  
wilbersuit: choke and die  
gimmemoney: hot  
notafurry: this is why i never talk here  
nikichu: valid choice  
biandtired: stfu im in class  
thequackster: take a shot every time someone says stfu  
vroomvroom: dont do that. you will die.  
thequackster: bet  
skepp: do it i dareyu u  
bbhalo: pls dont  
thequackster: nope. this is a happening.  
bbhalo: D:  
bigpog: it is 8 in the morning please do not drink  
thequackster: youre not my dad  
bigpog: as the only father figure here i think its fair to say that Yes I Am. dont drink at 8 in the morning.  
thequackster: fine.  
bigpog: only drink after noon.  
vroomvroom: good rule, but thats lame  
wiblersuit: dad please just let me skip class, techno is lecturing me and my brain hurts  
pigman: dont let him  
wiblersuit: dad please i ibwqibwrq  
bigpog: techno leave wil alone  
pigman: this is technophobic  
bigantired: yeah, dont say that  
pigman: roger that  
wiblersuit: dad please just call my teachers  
bigpog: thats not happening, get your ass to the computer  
wiblersuit: ugh, lame

10:43 AM  
vroomvroom: so uh  
vroomvroom: quackitys drunk  
bigpog: im sorry what  
vromvroom: self control only goes so far man  
bigpog: are you fucking kidding me  
thequackster: no losl  
wilbersuit: lmao nice  
pigman: dad why do you care more about those fools rather than your own children  
bigpog: that is??? not true??????  
wiblersuit: *doubt*

1:02 PM  
child: IM BACJ K BITCH  
toob: TOMMYYYY  
child: eyyyyy tubbo my freidnddd  
wilbersuit: can i pls break his phone again  
child: please dont do taht  
pigman: whatre you gonna do? stop him?  
child: ill cry  
wilbersuit: do it, thatll be funny.  
toob: oop i gotta go because my clas is staryign-  
child: cring  
pigman: cringe

4:56 PM  
bigpog: wilbur come downstairs  
pigman: bro are you dead  
child: 🦀WILBER I S GOEN🦀  
nikichu: ranboo  
ranboo: mmmyes?  
nikichu: ranboo why  
nikichu: why is there  
ranboo: pls finish your sentences idk what youre talking about  
nikichu: why is your closet filled with granola bars  
ranboo: oh  
ranboo: how did you find that?  
ranboo: wait are you going through my room?????????  
nikichu: because im cleaning??? why else???  
ranboo: oh ok  
ranboo: anyways, anyone wanna visit hypixel?  
pigman: im down  
dre: cringe  
nikichu: so are we just ignoring ranboos stash of granola bars?  
gogy: yeah kinda  
snapmap: lol yeah  
nikichu: ??????  
ranboo: dont question it, you wouldnt understand  
biandtired: i leave for two minutes and i come back to this?  
ranboo: hi eret  
biandtired: yes hi ranboo  
child: daaaaad wilbur broke my gun  
wilbersuit: no i fucking didnt  
child: yesd syou ddi  
wilbersuit: hes lying, phil, dont listen to a word he says  
bigpog: i know  
child: what ethf fuckkj???????  
toob: ok, tommy sent me a picture, that gun is Broke  
ranboo: imagine being broke sounds cringe  
pigman: ^^^  
toob: oh did i write broke ins teasd of broken?  
ranboo: yes  
toob: fuck diubfuicfwb yknwoe wha i meant  
ranboo: yea we know  
pigman: we're just being hilarious B)  
ranboo: yea B)  
toob: hlarious is a dumb word  
child: i agree  
wilbersuit: dad im going out  
bigpog: wtf no??? youre helping with dinner tonight  
wilbersuit: i already told schlatt i was gonna be there tho  
gimmemoney: nah its good  
gimmemoney: i can just chill with quackity  
gimmemoney: quacktitty  
thequackster: i love that  
bigpog: there are children present  
ranboo: when was the last time you cared about what you said around us??  
child: i amd a moand  
toob: were all older thna u tomym  
child: FUCK YOU IW MA TWICE THE MAN TYOU WIL EEVRER NEB YIU CFICKGIN COWARD  
wilbersuit: yeah sure  
wilbersuit: dad please, i dont wnat to helpw irhtuiwuegwcuigaecrug  
bigpog: nope. youre helping.  
wilbersuit: youre the fucking worst, dude  
vroomvroom: dont swear at your dad, bro  
wilbersuit: WATCH ME

\-- (catch me giving up on capitalizing the letters lmao)

Ok, something was up. And Phil knew it, so he had forced him to stay and talk. And he also just needed help with dinner. (He was a truly shitty cook. They all were, honestly.)

"So," Phil said, unsure of how to start this conversation. "Sorry for keeping you home, Wil,"

No response.

"...so quiet with Tommy at Tubbo's, innit?" 

Wilbur shrugged.

Phil sighed. "Ok, let's just skip the small talk, ok?" he put down his knife, leaning over the counter to make direct eye contact with his son. "What's going on with you?"

Wilbur's shoulders tensed up, and he took a sharp intake of air. "Did Techno put you up to this?" his voice was scratchy, as if he'd either been screaming or he just hadn't spoken.

Phil shrugged. "Kinda. He said something about you acting weird." He picked up the knife again, going back to chopping Carrots. "So I payed attention, and you do seem kind of off. Is something wrong?"

No response. Again.

"You can talk to me, you know. I'm not forcing you to, but you can,"

Wilbur sighed quietly. "Can we just listen to music?"

"Yeah," Phil said, giving up. "Yeah sure, put something on,"

Almost immediately, the sounds of soft guitars and bright piano filled the room, the sounds resting happily on Wilbur's heart and landing uncomfortably on Phil's head. He didn't know the song, and it wasn't exactly his taste. But Wilbur liked it, so he let it play.

"I'm not forcing you to talk to me," Phil said quietly. "I'm just worried. Promise you'll talk to me if something wrong, ok? Doesn't have to be now, but please."

Wilbur looked down.

"Ok."

\--

12:23 AM  
wilbersuit: i fucking hate english  
pigman: youre an idiot.  
wilbersuit: your an idiot  
pigman: youre*  
wilbersuit: god i fucking hate you  
pigman: <333  
bigpog: go tf to bed  
wilbersuit: not tired  
bigpog: well yeah cause you slept most of the day  
wilbersuit: i didnt try to  
bigpog: but you did. pls go to bed.  
wilbersuit: not tired  
notafurry: stfu guys im trying to watch netflix  
toob: oooh what show  
notafurry: b99  
thequackster: solid choice, solid choice  
vroomvroom: ive never seen it  
notafurry: BUZZKILL BUZZKILL  
ranboo: yoooo midnight pog  
snapmap: yessirrr  
pigman: my brain is Buzzing pls help  
notafurry: just remove ur brain  
pigman: but no i need that to breathe  
notafurry: no need to breathe if you dont have lungs  
bigpog: what  
toob: fundy do you not have lungs  
notafurry: :)  
skeep: oh thats terrifying  
pigman: oh skeppys alive  
pigman: honestly i forgot you were in this chat  
skeep: me ti lol  
wilbersuit: hi skeppy  
skeep: hhelos wilbur  
bbhalo: why are you all awake? please go to sleep, or else you'll be tired tomorrow!  
wiblersuit: bold of u to assume im not always tired  
bbhalo: then get some sleep :D  
wiblersuit: lol no <3  
child: fuck fuck fuck fuck  
bbhalo: language!  
child: FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK  
dre: SHIT FUCK BITCH ASS  
bbhalo: L A N G U A GE >:(  
bigpog: im going to bed. if i catch any of you awake i will either call your parents or ground you  
ranboo: lmao what parents  
pigman: HAHA  
pigman: ORPHAN  
ranboo: no u  
pigman: i was unorphaned as a chid, you are the only orphan here  
ranboo: ah yes  
ranboo: unorphaned  
ranbo: wait is that a word  
pigman: yeah it is  
ranboo: damb  
dre: george let me in  
dre: oh hes asleep  
dre: well this is awkward  
snapmap: wtf where did u go  
dre: to geroges house  
dre: im at his windpw rn  
pigman: that is exceedingly creepy what is wrong with you  
dre: im just too nice :)  
child: Lies.  
skeep: techno is mea n  
pigman: me? preposterous  
skeep: you femde a fucign maze and im suegfreeong  
pigman: good god its another tommy  
pigman: but yeah uh  
pigman: thanks for getting my shit back :)  
skeep: hiwefxw  
pigman: also btw i didnt make that maze  
skeep: whagteEHE  
pigman: lol  
pigman: idiot  
skeep: i ahtwe you >;(  
pigman: Anger Wink  
skeep: fckU OF F

10:55 AM  
wiblersuit: hi  
nikichu: wilbur! you're alive!!  
wiblersuit: yeah, yeah i am  
wiblersuit: sorry i just woke up  
ranboo: its cool. i still barely knpow you.  
wiblersuit: i barely know you as well but you seem cool  
ranboo: you too ig  
biandtired: well its good to see you again wilbur  
wiblersuit: well im not sticking around for long im gonna play guitar then i have to do homework  
pigman: you never do homework  
wiblersuit: slander.  
pigman: get some food, dumbass  
wiblersuit: not hungry  
pigman: guys pls yell at wilbur to eat something  
nikchu: eat, wilbur!!  
ranboo: c o n s u m e  
biandtired: you need sustenance, wilbur  
wiblersuit: seriously im not hungry  
wiblersuit: what do you want techno  
pigman: i left food outside your door. if its still there in ten minutes, im telling phil.  
wiblersuit: telling phil what?  
pigman: that youre not taking care of yourself, and hell make you sleep in my room on the bottom bunk so i can make sure youre taking fucking care of yourself  
wiblersuit: ok please dont tell phil  
pigman: then take care of yourself. this is a threat.  
wiblersuit: i will take this threat into account  
toob: tommy did you finish your part of the project??  
child: uhhhhhh maybe???  
toob: tommy its due tomorrow  
child: well iuts nto entiredly mtyrasesponsibility, inm working as fast as ihsn can  
toob: ok  
biandtired: whats your project on?  
toob: the renayssence  
biandtired: ooh, fun, what part?  
toob: art and shit  
nikichu: do you need any help, tubbo?  
toob: nahhh im good  
toob: i just need tommy to fiish the visual part of the project by tomorrow  
child: yiou cant rish artm, tubfop  
toob: well can we gently nudge it into hyperspeed?  
pigman: jake peralta. nice.  
toob: youre like captin holt!  
pigman: im more of a rosa.  
wiblersuit: can confirm. hes terrifying.  
wiblersuit: tommy and tubbo are like scully and hitchcock  
toob: should i take ofense to that?  
child: yes. yes you shoufld.  
pigman: your constant misspelling of words really undercuts your tone.  
child: fcU K YOYS  
wiblersuit: shut up, child

12:13 PM  
wiblersuit: i love you guys you know that?  
nikichu: ok whats wrong  
wiblersuit: nothing?  
nikichu: youre lying. whats wrong?  
wiblersuit: nothing  
nikichu: ok. im gonna pm you. and you'd better answer. got it?  
wiblersuit: you're not???? my mom???????  
nikichu: i am for now.  
ranboo: heyyy niki  
nikichu: im not getting you more granola bars, you have over twenty boxes in your room  
ranboo: no, i was just gonna tell you that we're out of milk and im going shopping  
nikichu: be careful. dont do drugs, don't text and drive, keep your eyes on the road.  
ranboo: i know  
nikichu: make sure to stay focused  
ranboo: i can try

PRIVATE MESSAGE - wiblersuit & nikichu  
12:21  
nikichu: ok, whats going on?  
wiblersuit: i told you, its nothing  
nikichu: its just me now, you dont have to lie  
wiblersuit: im not lying  
nikichu: bullshit. whats up?  
wiblersuit: nothing, im just tired  
nikichu: are you ok  
{wiblersuit is typing...}

SiMP  
12:28  
toob: tommy pls work on the progect  
pigman: project*  
child: make me bitch  
toob: tommy please im literaly begging u at this poitn  
child: uggggh fine  
pigman: niki are you talking to wil?  
nikichu: yes. hes typing right now.  
pigman: hoooooo boy  
pigman: can you tell me if he says anything serious?  
nikichu: i dont want to betray his trust, techno  
pigman: can you just tell me if he's ok? at least?  
nikichu: i guess  
nikichu: we'll see  
pigman: thank you  
nikichu: oh there he is  
bigpog: are you interrogating wil?  
nikichu: not really, no

PRIVATE MESSAGE - wiblersuit & nikichu  
12:31PM  
wiblersuit: niki im sad  
nikichu: yes, i gathered that much. any reason why?  
wiblersuit: i dont???? know????? im just sad and tired and sleeping doesnt help and i dont know what to do  
nikichu: have you talked to anyone about this?  
wiblersuit: no. this is the only time i've spoken about it.  
nikichu: ok, that's ok. is there anything else?  
wiblersuit: i dont want to talk about the rest of my weird brain feelings and stuff  
nikichu: that's fine. it's good that you're at least talking about it, right?  
wiblersuit: sure  
nikichu: you can talk to me anytime you need or want to, ok?  
wiblersuit: thank you niki  
nikichu: of course  
wiblersuit: i'll try to talk more  
nikichu: that's good. i worry about you, wil  
wiblersuit: sorry  
nikichu: don't be  
wiblersuit: but i am????  
nikichu: well stop it???????  
wiblersuit: that's not?????? how it??????? works????????????  
nikichu: lmao, i know  
nikichu: you dont have to be sorry, you know  
wiblersuit: im trying dude  
nikichu: lol  
nikichu: thank you for talking to me  
wiblersuit: thank you for listening, i guess. i do feel kinda better?????  
nikichu: thats good  
nikichu: ily wil :)  
wiblersuit: ilyt :3

SiMP  
12:36  
bigpog: how was your interrigation?  
wiblersuit: it wasnt an interrogation, phil  
pigman: you good?  
wiblersuit: jfc ive told you, im fine  
nikichu: he'll be fine  
pigman: thank you dr. nihachu  
nikichu: im not a doctor techno  
ranboo: anyone can be a doctor if they have knives  
pigman: exactly  
biandtired: techno you are a bad influence  
pigman: you think i dont know that?  
dre: busy day in the chat, huh?  
gogy: what did i miss  
nikichu: hi george  
snapmap: are you all done being depressing?  
wiblersuit: yeah lol  
pigman: lol no, we're always sad  
wiblersuit: depression is the sooty way :)  
pigman: is that a joke or a cry for help  
wiblersuit: idk dude, you tell me  
pigman: i dont think i will  
bigpog: ok wil are you sure youre ok?  
wiblersuit: omg yes im sure  
wiblersuit: what are you so damn scared of?  
wiblersuit: im not gonna do anything. i'm not an idiot.  
pigman: whatever you say.  
bigpog: techno can you do your thing?  
pigman: sure  
wiblersuit: i dont need to be babysat by a fucking pig  
pigman: uwu  
snapmap: god no not the uwu again  
pigman: uwu owo  
snapmap: STOP  
thequackster: uwu uwu uwu  
snapmap: it doesnt count for you quackity  
vroomvroom: are we UwUing?  
pigman: yeah uwu  
vroomvroom: uwu  
snapmap: im fucking leaving  
dre: begone, coward uwu  
snapmap: god no pls no  
bigpog: oh no no no  
pigman: join us father uwu  
thequackster: one of us uwu  
pigman: one of us uwu  
vroomvroom: one of us uwu  
bigpog: ...  
bigpog: uwu  
pigman: YEAHHHH  
wiblersuit: nO  
child: GOD NO WHDYWC DIS DYOU AMEK HSUMD DO TATD YORIE DGFIIGN TO RUIN THSI HOSUED HIODL  
wiblersuit: I AGREE, TOMMY, I AGREE  
biandtired: i leave for two minutes and i come back to this  
dre: balance has been restored  
notafurry: i dislike balance  
dre: oh hey fundy, i forgot you were here  
notafurry: i prefer to just watch things happen and contribute once in a blue moon, leaving my existence as a mystery. no one will ever know when i will emerge from the shadows, and if i will ever reveal myself again. i am a being of shadows, unseen until revealed, hidden by the solid people. i am everywhere, and nowhere, all at once.  
gogy: you are terrifying  
notafurry: also i was coding in another realm and just got here so  
dre: i like your style, furry boy  
notafurry: i'm leaving. goodbye.

PRIVATE MESSAGE - wiblersuit & nikichu  
2:34 AM  
wiblersuit: sorry sorry sorry but niki i cant sleep and i know youre probably asleep but i cant sleep and im so tired but whenever i go to sleep i wake up tired and i dont have the energy to leave my room and i feel like im losing my fucking mind. techno is worried for me, and i dont want to keep scaring people but god even im scared. im goddamn terrified. im so scared that im gonna hurt myself, or do something thatll hurt everyone just because i was a little sad i i dont know why im telling you all this because ill probably delete the message later because im a coward and an idiot and god im still so mad at myself. im an asshole to tommy, and i feel bad but if i say that everyones gonna think im... idk a pussy? i dunno. i dont think ahead, thats my problem, i think. like i dont think iand i hurt people, over and over and over again, and god its just so tiring and im sorry if i ever hurt you. i just feel bad. and im failing almost all my classes but i cant ask for help and i dont know why. i trying, niki, im really trying. but i dont think im trying hard enough.  
wiblersuit: i dont even know if i can.  
wiblersuit: fuck  
nikichu: woah uh hi??? hold on  
wiblersuit: fuck uh sorry i wasnt sure if you were awake or not  
wiblersuit: im jst uh  
wiblersuit: im gonna go to bed. sorry again.  
wiblersuit: goodnight  
nikichu: wil  
wiblersuit: yeah?  
nikichu: we can talk tomorrow. ok?  
wiblersuit: ok

SiMP  
4:13 AM  
gimmemoney: i am Horny  
wiblersuit: stop.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> it is 2 am i have to wake up in 4 hours to catch the bus  
> this was a mistake  
> also uhh drink some water or ill take your eyes


	8. I FUCKING HATE THIS FWQIN

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> OK  
> I AM SO TIRED  
> I HAD TO REWRITE HTIS CHAPTER FOUR SEPERATE TIMES. F O U R. FUCKING FOUR. I AM SO TIRED AND VERY UPSET. I DO NOT CARE TO WRITE THIS CHAPTER SO INSTEAD I WILL BE INCLUDING THE ENTIRE BEE MOVIE SCRIPT BECAUZE FUCK YOU. FUCK THIS CHAPTER. FUCK MY FREQUENT FORGETTING TO SAVE.  
> FUCK.  
> F U C K.  
> I AM JUST SO TIRED.  
> THIS IS A SHIT CHAPTER AND I DONT CARE. I DO NOT CARE.  
> I DO NOT FUCKING CARE  
> SOMEONE PLEASE YELL AT ME TO REMEMBER TO SAVE THESE FUCKING CHAPTERS BEFORE SHUTTING DOWN MY LAPTOP.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> in other news, i got some mcyt shimejis and i love them all so very much. they are my sons now. i just watch them clmb the walls and they get in the way of my tabs on discord and chrome, but i do not mind. for those interested, currently all of them are on the roof except for ranboo and fundy. they are being very nice, actually, just sitting. and ghostbur is playing the guitar :)  
> i can literally write a scientific observation paper thing about these guys. i might actually do that, that'd be funny.

4:13 AM  
wiblersuit: 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 
pigman: what in the fresh fuck is this.  
skeep: i... dont know  
ranboo: this is sad to watch  
wiblersuit: ebadAffirmativeVerycloseGonnahurtMamaslittleboyYouarewayoutofpositionrookieOominginatyoulikeamissileHelpmeIdontthinktheseareflowersShouldwetellhimIthinkheknowsWhatisthisMatchpointYoucanstartpackinguphoneybecauseyoureabouttoeatitYowserGrossTheresabeeinthecarDosomethingImdrivingHibeeHesbackhereHesgoingtostingmeNobodymoveIfyoudontmovehewontstingyouFreezeHeblinkedSprayhimGrannyWhatareyoudoingWowthetensionlevelouthereisunbelievableIgottagethomeOantflyinrainOantflyinrainOantflyinrainMaydayMaydayBeegoingdownKencouldyouclosethewindowpleaseKencouldyouclosethewindowpleaseOheckoutmynewresumeImadeitintoafoldoutbrochureYouseeFoldsoutOhnoMorehumansIdontneedthisWhatwasthatMaybethistimeThistimeThistimeThistimeThistimeThisDrapesThatisdiabolicalItsfantasticItsgotallmyspecialskillsevenmytoptenfavoritemoviesWhatsnumberoneStarWarsNahIdontgoforthatkindofstuffNowonderweshouldnttalktothemTheyreoutoftheirmindsWhenIleaveajobinterviewtheyreflabbergastedcantbelievewhatIsayTheresthesunMaybethatsawayoutIdontrememberthesunhavingabig75onitIpredictedglobalwarmingIcouldfeelitgettinghotterAtfirstIthoughtitwasjustmeWaitStopBeeStandbackThesearewinterbootsWaitDontkillhimYouknowImallergictothemThisthingcouldkillmeWhydoeshislifehavelessvaluethanyoursWhydoeshislifehaveanylessvaluethanmineIsthatyourstatementImjustsayingalllifehasvalueYoudontknowwhathescapableoffeelingMybrochureThereyougolittleguyImnotscaredofhimItsanallergicthingPutthatonyourresumebrochureMywholefacecouldpuffupMakeitoneofyourspecialskillsKnockingsomeoneoutisalsoaspecialskillRightByeVanessaThanksVanessanextweekYogurtnightSureKenYouknowwhateverYoucouldputcarobchipsonthereByeSupposedtobelesscaloriesByeIgottasaysomethingShesavedmylifeIgottasaysomethingAllrighthereitgoesNahWhatwouldIsayIcouldreallygetintroubleItsabeelawYourenotsupposedtotalktoahumanIcantbelieveImdoingthisIvegottoOhIcantdoitOomeonNoYesNoDoitIcantHowshouldIstartitYoulikejazzNothatsnogoodHereshecomesSpeakyoufoolHiImsorryYouretalkingYesIknowYouretalkingImsosorryNoitsOKItsfineIknowImdreamingButIdontrecallgoingtobedWellImsurethisisverydisconcertingThisisabitofasurprisetomeImeanyoureabeeIamAndImnotsupposedtobedoingthisbuttheywerealltryingtokillmeAndifitwasntforyouIhadtothankyouItsjusthowIwasraisedThatwasalittleweirdImtalkingwithabeeYeahImtalkingtoabeeAndthebeeistalkingtomeIjustwanttosayImgratefulIllleavenowWaitHowdidyoulearntodothatWhatThetalkingthingSamewayyoudidIguessMamaDadahoneyYoupickitupThatsveryfunnyYeahBeesarefunnyIfwedidntlaughwedcrywithwhatwehavetodealwithAnywayOanIgetyousomethingLikewhatIdontknowImeanIdontknowOoffeeIdontwanttoputyououtItsnotroubleIttakestwominutesItsjustcoffeeIhatetoimposeDontberidiculousActuallyIwouldloveacupHeyyouwantrumcakeIshouldntHavesomeNoIcantOomeonImtryingtoloseacouplemicrogramsWhereThesestripesdonthelpYoulookgreatIdontknowifyouknowanythingaboutfashionAreyouallrightNoHesmakingthetieinthecabastheyreflyingupMadisonHefinallygetsthereHerunsupthestepsintothechurchTheweddingisonAndhesaysWatermelonIthoughtyousaidGuatemalanWhywouldImarryawatermelonIsthatabeejokeThatsthekindofstuffwedoYeahdifferentSowhatareyougonnadoBarryAboutworkIdontknowIwanttodomypartforthehivebutIcantdoitthewaytheywantIknowhowyoufeelYoudoSureMyparentswantedmetobealawyeroradoctorbutIwantedtobeafloristReallyMyonlyinterestisflowersOurnewqueenwasjustelectedwiththatsamecampaignsloganAnywayifyoulookTheresmyhiverightthereSeeitYoureinSheepMeadowYesImrightofftheTurtlePondNowayIknowthatareaIlostatoeringthereonceWhydogirlsputringsontheirtoesWhynotItslikeputtingahatonyourkneeMaybeIlltrythatYouallrightmaamOhyeahFineJusthavingtwocupsofcoffeeAnywaythishasbeengreatThanksforthecoffeeYeahitsnotroubleSorryIcouldntfinishitIfIdidIdbeuptherestofmylifeAreyouOanItakeapieceofthiswithmeSureHerehaveacrumbThanksYeahAllrightWellthenIguessIllseeyouaroundOrnotOKBarryAndthankyousomuchagainforbeforeOhthatThatwasnothingWellnotnothingbutAnywayThiscantpossiblyworkHesallsettogoWemayaswelltryitOKDavepullthechuteSoundsamazingItwasamazingItwasthescariesthappiestmomentofmylifeHumansIcantbelieveyouwerewithhumansGiantscaryhumansWhatweretheylikeHugeandcrazyTheytalkcrazyTheyeatcrazygiantthingsTheydrivecrazyDotheytryandkillyoulikeonTVSomeofthemButsomeofthemdontHowdyougetbackPoodleYoudiditandImgladYousawwhateveryouwantedtoseeYouhadyourexperienceNowyoucanpickoutyourjobandbenormalWellWellWellImetsomeoneYoudidWassheBeeishAwaspYourparentswillkillyouNonononotawaspSpiderImnotattractedtospidersIknowitsthehottestthingwiththeeightlegsandallIcantgetbythatfaceSowhoissheSheshumanNonoThatsabeelawYouwouldntbreakabeelawHernamesVanessaOhboyShessoniceAndshesafloristOhnoYouredatingahumanfloristWerenotdatingYoureflyingoutsidethehivetalkingtohumansthatattackourhomeswithpowerwashersandM80sOneeighthastickofdynamiteShesavedmylifeAndsheunderstandsmeThisisoverEatthisThisisnotoverWhatwasthatTheycallitacrumbItwassostinginstripeyAndthatsnotwhattheyeatThatswhatfallsoffwhattheyeatYouknowwhataOinnabonisNoItsbreadandcinnamonandfrostingTheyheatitupSitdownreallyhotListentomeWearenotthemWereusTheresusandtheres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 
pigman: i hate this very much  
bigpog: is wilbur... ok?  
gimmemoney: hes fiiiine hes done this before  
pigman: you are a very strange man, jschlatt  
gimmemoney: lol yeah. me and my amazing wii sports skills. its incredible how good i am at that game.  
pigman: i would destroy you in wii sports  
gimmemoney: wanna fucking bet?  
pigman: actually yes. 50 bucks ill beat you in wii sports.  
gimmemoney: if i win you own me uhhhhh porn  
pigman: no??? i owe you 50 bucks, thats what i just fucking said  
bbhalo: language  
gimmemoney: pussy dick fuck bitch  
bbhalo: dream please let me leave  
dre: lol no  
dre: suffer :)  
ranboo: i greatly dislike that smiley face  
dre: su f f e r =)  
ranboo: OH GOD ITS WORSE  
pigman: dream is a chara kinnie confirmed  
dre: what teh fuck? no  
pigman: *doubt*  
dre: i dislike it here

7:32 AM  
pigman: guess who just obliterated schlatt in wii sports and wii sports resort  
dre: me?  
pigman: fuck you, it was me  
wiblersuit: well done, techno  
bigpog: oi im going to hardcore, idk when i'll be back  
wiblersuit: alright  
bigpog: techno youre in charge  
pigman: as i should be tbh  
wiblersuit: this is favouritism  
pigman: well yeah, im the better twin  
wiblersuit: no you aint  
pigman: yes i am  
gimmemoney: wilburs much better than you you absolute prick  
pigman: we arent talking to you anymore, schlatt  
gimmemoney: suck my dick, techno  
pigman: i would literally rather die. like die a horribly fiery death. i would rather jump into a goddamn volcano.  
gimmemoney: damn ok, rude  
wiblersuit: the only game shclatts good at is jackbox and hes not even that good at it  
gimmemoney: i am fucking incredible at jackbox what are you talking about  
wiblersuits: lets go, right now. quiplash, lets go.  
pigman: i will anihilate you both  
wiblersuit: you have to be funny, techno  
pigman: damn, you must not be looking forward to this then  
gimmemoney: AMEN  
wiblersuit: i wil kill your whole family  
pigman: y  
pigman: you are aware that uh  
wiblersuit: YES TECHNO IM AWARE  
child: guys gusys usgsy gusy ism palfuing wihti you  
ranboo: id like to play as well :)  
dre: ill play  
gogy: this sounds like a disaster waiting to happen. im in.  
snapmap: ill play too  
gimmemoney: i will destroy u all

12:23 PM  
gimmemoney: how does it feel to not be funny, wilbur?  
wiblersuit: your entire humour is dick jokes  
gimmemoney: and yet  
wiblersuit: i do not respect you  
gimmemoney: ily  
wiblersuit: no.

5:16 PM  
wiblersuit: heyy techno  
pigman: yeah?  
wiblersuit: wanna get drunk? dad isnt home and im bored  
pigman: bad idea. phil might come home early.  
wiblersuit: hes usually out for like  
wiblersuit: months  
child: yeah  
child: thenshe comes avbck for two moths and the nelaves agisn  
wiblersuit: his schedule is wack tbh  
pigman: wait do you just not talk to him while hes out?  
child: no  
wiblersuit: no?? you do????  
pigman: yes????? we spend time in the antarctic empire sometimes yknow??????  
wiblersuit: FUCKGIJN FAVOURITISM  
pigman: you can go visit him literally whenever you want wtf  
wiblersuit: but he doesnt let us in?  
pigman: well thats probably because you bring chaos and destruction wherever you go  
wiblersuit: i know but heyyyy  
child: phil doesnt lieks me ai dint thinbk  
pigman: he likes you, i promise  
wiblersuit: pls get drunk with me i am so very bored and you are so very funny when drunk  
pigman: idk if thats an insult or not  
wiblersuit: idk eiether  
pigman: fine.   
wiblersuit: yeahhhh lets do some fucking drugs.  
pigman: just alcohol. just alcohol wilbur.  
pigman: tommy can you go to tubbos?  
child: anything to get away from drunk wilbur  
gimmemoney: drunk wilbur is best wilbur <33  
wilersuit: dead schlatt is best schlatt <333  
gimmemoney: 


	9. alright. im fucking. rewriting the old chapter. the last one was a shitpost. in the cannon of this story, that never happened. fuck.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> (philza is still in his hardcore world tho) wilbur goes for a therapy drive and he snorts oregano. also im showing niki some more love because she deserves it.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i am so tired. im working on like three stories at once, and god its such a time suck. always follow my twitter because im funny lmao @ifonlyyouknew (please i crave online friends asdkjk)

Techno looked up when Wilbur slammed his hands down on his desk.

"Do you want something?" Techno drawled, closing his book using his thumb to keep his spot. "Or are you asking me for money?"

"I'm going to use your car," Wilbur said.

Techno narrowed his eyes. "No the fuck you aren't. Can't someone else drive you?" He opened his book and started passive aggressively reading.

Wilbur groaned, and leaned his upper body on the desk. "Please, Techno? I don't have a car and I promise I won't break it and I can get Niki to drive, pleasepleaepleaseplease-"

"Dude, I already said no,"

Wilbur leaned back, crossing his arms. He plopped down beside Techno, and tried to read over his shoulder. But god it was just so mind-numbingly boring that Wilbur physically had to rub his eyes and count to ten in his head. He leaned his head against Techno's and sighed heavily. For no other reason than to get attention, or annoy him into letting him borrow the car.

Techno sighed heavily, properly shutting his book and folding the corner of his page down. "Fine. But I'm driving. I don't trust you,"

Wilbur beamed, throwing his arms around his brothers neck. "You're the best dude!"

"We been knew,"

"Also I should probably tell you that we are getting super drunk, and that's why Niki volunteered to come. So if you want to get wasted with us, it'll be fine,"

Techno answered by shoving his brother off of him and striding to his car, Wilbur following behind him like a child.

\--

5:32 PM  
pigman: @nikichu  
nikichu: yes techno?  
pigman: hello niki nihachu. are you aware of wilburs drive?  
nikichu: i am, yes  
pigman: awesome. who else is going?  
nikichu: me, schlatt, and i think fundy is coming as well  
notafurry: yes im also going  
gimmemoney: why do you ask, pig boy?  
pigman: im older than you  
pigman: also its my car, so im pretty much obligated to be there  
nikichu: i promise i wont crash or scratch your car, techno  
pigman: thank you very much, niki nihachu  
nikichu: you are very welcome, techno blade-watson  
ranboo: niki niki niki niki niki niki niki niki niki niki  
nikichu: yes, ranboo?  
ranboo: can tubbo and tommy come over?  
ranboo: we wont burn the house down i promise  
nikichu: of course  
nikichu: eret can you watch them?  
biandtired: uhhh no i cannot  
biandtired: im getting coffee with dream and gang  
gogy: woow ang gang? rude  
biandtired: im not typing out all of your names, mr. georgenotfound, gogy, groge, goog, geroge, dreams lowkey bf, vanilla ice cream, wonderbread lookin ass  
thequackster: ok damn pop off king  
biandtired: anyways no i cant watch the children  
biandtired: besides ranboo's 17, hes responsible  
nikichu: but Tommy  
biandtired: valid point  
child: ok wow rdue  
nikichu: its fine. be careful children.  
toob: we will!  
child: fuck you  
ranboo: ly niki :)  
nikichu: lyt :P

\--

it was so dark out, the sky looked black. a soundtrack of some disney channel movie was playing, and everyone was singing along at least a little. fundy was sniffling after his most recent alcohol induced crying session, and niki was rubbing his shoulder in an attempt to comfort him. schlatt and wilbur were bantering good naturedly, which was odd to see. meanwhile techno was quiet, his eyes drooping closed. he was starting to feel a little hazy. he had given in to peer pressure, and was currently in the process of drinking the night away. his head was unusually quiet, and it both unsettled and calmed him. he leaned his head on his brothers shoulder, smiling fondly to himself. he whispered a small 'i love you', but no one seemed to hear him. he wasn't sure if he was thankful or not. he probably should have been. maybe? he didn't really care, honestly. 

wilbur laughed loudly. "dude, what type of lunatic are you?" his voice was slurring a little, but techno found comfort in the familiar tone and accent.

"It's just oregano, it's not like we'll get hurt or some shit!" schlatt was on the verge of yelling. "come on, it'll be fun. trust me, dude," he tossed a small bag to wilbur. "it's just like cocaine,"

techno snickered. "how would you know?"

"how would you know?" schlatt retorted.

techno giggled at that, covering his mouth with his hand to hide his smile. he shut his eyes, settling to just listen to the chaos. when he heard yelling, he opened his eyes, only to see schlatt and wilbur holding their noses in anguish.

"FUCK, OW," wilbur yelled, squeezing his eyes shut "does cocaine hurt that bad?!"

"no?!" schlatt yelled, though it sounded more like a question than answer.

techno dissolved into drunken laughter, his usual stoic nature nowhere to be found, replaced with tired laughter and drunken smiles. he cuddled further into his brothers side. 

it was at that moment that fundy started crying softly again. wilbur turned to the boy and rubbed his back. schlatt started recording. techno didn't know what he was expected to do in this situation. fundy was only a year younger than him and wilbur, and it felt wrong to comfort someone who wasn't a small child. so techno settled to leaned further into wilbur, pretty much forcing his brother to wrap an arm around his shoulders. he sighed, a fond smile making its way to his face.

he heard a camera sound, but he didn't know where it came from. he shut his eyes. a few giggles escaped him at the position he was in. he sighed, suddenly feeling very soft. "love you, wilbur," he muttered into his brothers shoulder.

wilbur grabbed his hand. "love you too, techie,"

\--

2:23 AM  
wiblersuit: i forgot haow drunk tehcno bald acts  
ranboo: is he a probalem?  
wiblersuit: nahh jsut cuddly and sappy and hsit  
child: lol what a wiMWPP  
pigman: tommy ily  
child: ohg god i shte this  
wiblersuit: say iou love fjim bacl  
child: luv u 2p  
wiblersuit: he si happy jnow :0)  
gimmemoney: od not snort oregano  
ranboo: tell niki i say hi :)  
wiblersuit: she says hi back  
pigman: wait im not cuddly  
ranboo: wow your reaction time wa very delayed there  
toob: ehs drunk ranboo  
pigman: im nto cuddly, this is misinformation  
wiblersuit: [cuddles.jpeg] wanna bet?  
wiblersuit: update techno is now whining about not being cuddly while clinging to me like a child  
child: LOL TCLINGY  
toob: hipocrit  
biandtried: hypocrite*  
toob: oh, thank u eret :)  
dre: techno is a bottom confirmed???  
wiblersuit: hes ace you dumb bitch  
snapmap: ok wait thats lowkey adorable  
gogy: imagine hugging people cant relate  
dre: george do you need a hug  
gogy: ew no  
gogy: DREAM GET OFF ME NO  
gogy: HEL P  
biandtired: im actually pretty good with the way things are going  
gogy: YOU PUT YOUR PHONE AWAY  
biandtired: but blackmail!  
gogy: NO WHY  
snapmap: so much is happenong rn, i think eret might be dead soon  
biandtired: ill be fune  
ranboo: im glad yyoure fune :)  
wiblersuit: techno is now laughing hysterically what have you done  
wiblersuit: dude he literally cannot breathe i have never heard him laugh this hard before  
pigman: ilygsm  
gimmemoney: whyyysy is he so sapy we already ahve fundy crying wr dont heneed a cudyl etchnobalde  
pigman: IM NOT DFUCKGJING CUDDLY  
gimmemoney: [blackmail.jpeg] you were ssying  
pigman: im sorry what steh fname of that fiel  
gimmemoney: nothign  
dre: technooooo youre adorableeee  
pigman: IKFMC UOKGN NOT  
dre:widdle tehcnoblade hugging his bestest favowite bwother because he wuvs him <333  
pigman: askdhsaki stOP  
[bbhalo addad SAMMYBOY to SiMP]  
bbhalo: guys say hi to sam :D  
dre: hi sam  
gogy: hey  
snapmap: a lot of people are drunk rn im sorry you had to join at this time  
SAMMYBOY: lol its ok  
pigman: hullooo  
SAMMYBOY: hi techno  
wiblersuit: hiih  
gimmemoney: bitch  
SAMMYBOY: ...tomy?  
child: NO B%TFCH IM TOMY  
SAMMYBOY: ok that checks out  
toob: hi! im tubbo :)  
SAMMYBOY: hi tubbo, im sam  
ranboo: hi  
child: sftyu memory boyu  
ranboo: oh ok

\--

despite techno's protests, he was feeling much too soft for his liking. he held on to his brother until they both flopped on the couch. wilbur leaned his head back, a small smile on his lips.

"should we let tommy come home?" he asked, his words slurring.

techno brought his knees to his chest, as though he was a small child again. "i wanna see tommy," he admitted.

and the text was sent, and about two minutes later tommy pushed the door open. 

"tommyyyyy," techno said, his voice sleepy and his eyes almost half closed. "we missed you,"

tommy scoffed. "yeah, obviously. everyone misses me! i'm the best watson kid, we all know this,"

techno snorted, as did wilbur. they pulled tommy into their cuddle pile on the couch. tommy flicked the tv on, turning on... the office, probably. they watched in comfortable silence, techno pressed into wilbur side and tommy on the ground, his head leaning against his brothers side.

"love you, tommy," techno muttered. "i don't say that enough, do i?"

"no, you don't," wilbur deadpanned. 

techno giggled. "yeah, i don't,"

tommy took his brothers hand in his. "yeah. everyone loves me,"

the annoyance techno would usually feel at his baby brothers statement didnt build up, instead he was flooded with pure affection for the boy. he slid to the ground, wrapping tommy in a tight hug.

"what the fuck, blade?!" tommy screeched, making a sad attempt to escape his brothers hug. "wilburrrr, help!"

wilbur snickered, snapping a quick photo before joining techno is squishing their brother between them.

tommy groaned. "no, please!" after a couple more seconds of struggle, tommy gave up. before long, techno had fallen asleep, leaving just wilbur and tommy to watch the show.

"we really don't say we love you enough, do we?" wilbur whispered, twirling techno's hair with his index finger. "but we do. you know that?" he leaned his head on tommy's shoulder. "we really, really do. you're awesome. you're loud and annoying and shit, but we love you so so much. ok?"

tommy sighed. "yeah. sure," he took a shaky breath. "i... i love you guys too. but you scare me, wilbur," he looked down. "i don't want you to die, wilbur," his voice broke.

if wilbur held tommy as he cried himself to sleep, techno didn't have to know. if techno was awake the whole time, neither of his brothers had to know.

\--

11:06 AM  
wiblersuit: remind me to not drink ever again  
nikichu: hows your hangover?  
wiblersuit: terrible. what the fuck. why didnt you stop me.  
nikichu: you went to get wasted, and you fucking got wasted. what do you want me to say?  
gimmemoney: imagine getting hangovers lmao couldnt be meeee  
thequackster: schlatt just threw up hes lying  
gimmemoney: fuck you it was still majestic

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i am so tired it is literally 3 am at the time of posting this. fuck. anyways yeah short chapter with some Drunk Soft Techno because i like the idea of techno being terrifying and then when he ets drunk he just mellows out and is super giggly and soft and it just confuses everyone. anywasy yeah. i will not be sleeping. take my shit. god im so tired fuck.


	10. ok uh this stories au is very weird and i didnt think it through At All so im just gonna try to explain the world real quick because even im confused

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> just. just read the uh. the title.

ok so minecraft but like... irl? theres modern shit like video games, where everythign is the same but minecraft is literally how the world operates. you can travel to different worlds (like in minecraft) and servers. everything is directly accessible through portals and you can create worlds by yourself, and its up to you if you want people to visit. like philzas hardcore worlds? yeah, he can actually go to those. and if he dies, he teleported back to his house in the dream smp, which im using as the default world. (and there arent only like 30 people there, make it more like over 5000. got it? cool.) respawns exist, and the way they work is basically the more you respawn the more painful it is, and some pain lingers after you come back. eventually, your body wont be able to handle it, and youll die for real. like your body gives out as you die, and when youre supposed to wake up in your bed, you just kinda Die There. yeah, its uh... its very anti-climactic. 

also, this is very Not Canon, so i do not care about most of the smaller details. also lmanburg is just a place that always existed, The Egg isnt there (because fuck that noise holy shit tommys stream was wild today) snowchester is a very small town where tubbo lives, phil and fam live right outside lmanburg in the arctic near snowchester. most everyone else either lives in lmanburg or Elsewhere (idk use your imagination). 

cool? cool.

so the ages of the characters is v ambiguous, so ill just give a general frame of how old they all are.

wilbur, dream, george, sapnap, eret, karl, and skeppy all go to college together and are definitely legal adults because Duh. bad, techno, quackity, schlatt, niki, fundy, and sam are all in that age range, but do not go to college i dont think. fundy is for sure younger than wilbur, and wilbur jokingly calls him his son, which becomes less of a joke when theyre older. do with that what you will. tubbo, ranboo, and tommy are all theyre normal ages (i made ranbo 17 because haha hes older than tommy and that is funny) and they go to The High School. phil is the only Actual Adult here, and that is pretty explanatory just by itself. cool? cool cool cool.

ok cool so phil adopted tommy, wilbur, and techno. techno and wilbur are Technically Twins, because techno doesnt have a proper birthday (because Trauma) so they just decided to be twins. not because wilbur wanted to share or anything, just because phil suggested it and the two just fucking went with it.

ranboo is An Orphan, and just kinda moved in with niki and eret (who are twins in this world) so he just kinda vibes there. ranboo doesnt know many people, but hes friends with tubbo and tommy. yeah.

ok on to the bullshit again.

\--

4:52 PM  
gogy: good morning  
gogy: wait fuck  
dre: bruh did you just wake up  
gogy: possibly  
wiblersuit: that is so sad and thats coming from me  
nikichu: speaking of sleeping in a dangerous amount, how are you wilbur?  
wiblersuit: better  
nikichu: good im glad  
wiblersuit: holy shit i have so much blackmail material on my phone  
wiblersuit: when did i take these  
wiblersuit: theyre all of techno asknd  
pigman: dont be shy, give me your phone  
wiblersuit: lol no  
pigman: dont be shy. give me your fucking phone.  
wiblersuit: make me  
wiblersuit: so im hiding in my closet uh help  
pigman: im not leaving this room until you delete the pictures  
wiblersuit: ugggh fine  
wiblersuit: pls dont stab me im opening the door to show me deleting them  
pigman: acceptable. good day.

PRIVATE MESSAGE - gimmemoney & wiblersuit  
4:57 PM  
wiblersuit: [cuddles.jpeg]  
wiblersuit: [softtechno.jpeg]  
wiblersuit: [huggytechno.jpeg]  
wiblersuit: [technobutdrunk.jpeg]  
wiblersuit: [heissowasted.jpeg]  
gimmemoney: and whats all this?  
wiblersuit: blackmail material  
gimmemoney: why is there like 30 pictures per link?  
wiblersuit: you tell me  
gimmemoney: touche  
wiblersuit: dont tell techno  
gimmemoney: i would never

PRIVATE MESSAGE - gimmemoney & pigman  
gimmemoney: i am not supposed to tell you something  
pigman: ok????  
pigman: wait did  
pigman: did wilbur not delete the pictures  
gimmemoney: idk i am not supposed to tell you  
pigman: im taking that as a yes  
gimmemoney: oh no! how did you figure it out?  
pigman: i still dont like you  
gimmemoney: fair enough i get that a lot


	11. ahaha i wanted more dumb shit because ahaha im bored and writing is hard

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> hello i have an actual story up (shocking, i know) so if you're into spooky cryptids, family dynamics, minecraft, and all that fun stuff, i would greatly appreciate it if you checked it out. i only have four chapters thus far, but its my first actual writing project. its going to be a series and each installment focuses on different characters. im currently writing the first part, which is mainly sbi and gang, and very tommy-centric. so yeah, im very proud of myself, and it would be super epic and poggers if you checked it out. that is all the self promo i am doing today, so. farewell. enjoy the bullshit.  
> (you can either go to my account or go to this link: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29037330 )

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i was tired of writing actual story, so you get some conversations out of context because i think funny things and plot is hard.

4:22 PM  
gimmemoney: haha look at the time  
wiblersuit: youre two minutes off  
gimmemoney: FUCK NO ARE YOU KIDDING ME  
pigman: haha  
pigman: idiot  
child: wilburrrrerrr  
wiblersuit: que ce que tu veut  
child: fucjing whayt  
wiblersuit: what do you want  
child: gimeme back tm usrnamee  
wiblersuit: nah  
child: wilburt pls  
pigman: w i l bu r t  
wiblersuit: no  
pigman: W I L B U R T  
wiblersuit: stop  
bigpog: hello i am back  
skeep: hi back ime dasD  
bbhalo: lol  
bigpog: im dad, youre back  
skeep: what  
bigpog: hi back. im dad.  
wiblersuit: get philzad bro  
pigman: get fuckin philzaddd  
gimmemoney: oi me quackity and the furry are at a bar does anyone care to join us  
wiblersuit: you just went drinking like two days ago  
gimmemoney: and?  
notafurry: i have a name schlatt  
gimmemoney: k cool  
child: k em and tubfgo witle be gthere ifn five  
pigman: wilbur are we going  
wiblersuit: yes  
pigman: but you just went drinking like two days ago  
wiblersuit: and?  
bigpog: wait are we just letting it slide that tommy and tubbo are going  
ranboo: i guess?  
bigpog: im going too. for babysitting purposes.  
wiblersuit: im not a baby  
bigpog: i could not have been more clearly referring to tommy and tubbo  
wiblersuit: couldve been clearer  
pigman: it really couldntve. you are an idiot.  
wiblersuit: u suck  
pigman: gross  
bigpog: ok, where am i driving  
wiblersuit: i can track schlatts phone  
gimmemoney: creep  
wiblersuit: you do the same thing all the time  
gimmemoney: and?  
biandtired: is niki going?  
pigman: idk text her yourself were already driving  
biandtired: youre texting right now  
pigman: and?  
thequackster: im rlly liking the theme we have today  
vroomvroom: it is very cohesive  
thequackster: i agree  
vroomvroom: i agree  
thequackster: i agree  
vroomvroom: i agree  
thequackster: i agree  
vroomvroom: i agree  
thequackster: i agree  
vroomvroom: i agree  
thequackster: i agree  
vroomvroom: i agree  
thequackster: i agree  
vroomvroom: i agree  
wiblersuit: stop.  
nikichu: why are you going drinking at 4 in the afternoon  
biandtired: for kicks, niki  
gimmemoney: yeah, for kicks  
nikichu: but its 4 in the afternoon. it is way too early.  
gimmemoney: and?  
vroomvroom: there it is again!  
thequackster: we have a very consistent conversation structure, dont we?  
bbhalo: you really do  
dre: hi what did i miss  
gimmemoney: alcohol  
dre: im down for alcohol  
ranboo: can i go i dont want to be left out  
nikichu: if you go im going to keep an eye on you  
ranboo: im resposible  
nikichu: ok mr. granola bars  
ranboo: its for a responsible reason  
nikichu: which is  
ranboo: zombie apocolypse, niki. zombie apocolypse.  
nikichu: apocalypse  
biandtired: fine, i guess il go with you  
nikichu: i didnt  
biandtired: shhhhhhhhh  
nikichu: ...ok

10:12 PM  
bigpog: MADAY MADAY MADAY  
wiblersuit: oh god what did you do  
bigpog: techno is now drunk off his ass again and he is getting very competitive  
wiblersuit: noo what happened to soft techno  
pigman: he died. and i will kill you if you ever mention that again.  
wiblersuit: [cuddles.jpeg]  
pigman: ok. goodbye wilbur.  
wiblersuit: oh shit  
ranboo: so wilbur is running out of the bar  
toob: man barrs are wild  
child: tru  
ranboo: ive never been to a bar before, so this is a wonderful first experience  
ranboo: nevermind techno ruined it  
bigpog: ok lets all converge at the north corner  
child: wherr is noerth  
pigman: ah yes  
pigman: noerth  
gogy: why are you all at a bar its wednesday  
dre: and?  
thequackster: i really am liking this theme!  
vroomvrom: i agree!!  
thequackster: i agree  
vroomvroom: i agree  
thequackster: i agree  
vroomvroom: i agree  
thequackster: i agree  
vroomvroom: i agree  
dre: geoooreg come heere wew ve=miss u  
gogy: ill nbe there in 5  
snapmap: yeah lol get your fine ass in here  
gogy: nvm that made me wildly uncomfortable so i think i will stay home and instead not go to the bar  
pigman: what an incredibly well structured sentence, well done gogy  
gogy: sarcasm?  
pigman: sarcasm  
gogy: and dont call me that  
dre: gogy  
snapmap: gogy  
bianditred: gogy  
thequackster: gogy  
vroomvroom: i agree  
pigman: gog  
wiblersuit: grog  
child: grogty  
toob: goggy  
bigpog: gogy  
dre: gogy uwu pigman: are we uwuing skeep: n o pigman: uwu ranboo: niki i require The Bars wiblersuit: anyone up to buy saome uh wiblersuit: cryptocurrency toob: can we get other eople to selll it so we make more muney toob: like toob: make it worth ,more ranboo: thats illegal, tubbo child: NOO ITS GENIUS toob: YEAHHHHH child: LETS MAEK SEOM FMREOLNE?YYY wiblersuit: that is unfuckingreadable toob: wh toob: what nikichu: ranboo where are the bars ranboo: idkyoutellmenikiniihachuyoumonster toob: why are you all speaking in hyireoglifics wiblersuit: guys i made a technoblade soundboard pigman: im sorry you what wiblersuit: what do you not understand pigman: why???? wiblersuit: reasons dre: dont be shy send the link wiblersuit: ill dm it to you gimmemoney: lmao we should make a tommy soundboard wiblersuit: god no lets not do that 2:01 AM gogy: dream how do i change my name back to the old one dre: you dont gogy: dream i stg dre: uwu pigman: uwu pigman: anyways hi dream dre: hello techno pigman: would you like to play mriokart so i can fucking demolish you dre: ah yes dre: mriokart dre: my favourite nintendo game wiblersuit: is anyone else awake biandtired: always wiblersuit: wonderful wiblersuit: because i have a survey for you to take biandtired: what survey? wiblersuit: whos the better twin between me and techon biandtired: according to what criteria? wiblersuit: you will see biandtired: alright sure biandtired: techno have you rlly not showered in a month pigman: idk biandtired: how???? do you not?????? know?????????? pigman: hevent been paying attentoin dre: adhdh moment lulz pigman: i hate you but i agree dre: <3 pigman: no. wiblersuit: techno pls take a shower i am actually fucking begging you pigman: make me pigman: wait no dont actually biandtired: how do you go that long without showering bro pigman: dry shampoo wiblersuit: THATS NTO RHEWAT SAME AS SHOWERRING pigman: its pretty much the same wiblersuit: NO IT FUCKING ISNT bigpog: boys go tf to bed i can hear you shouting wiblersuit: DAD PLS HELP TECHN O HASNT SHOWERED IN EVER bigpog: and? pigman: see he doesnt care wiblersuit: bad parenting. horribly bad parenting. bigpog: and??? wiblersuit: i dislike u rn biandtired: wilbur you have rigged this quiz so much wiblersuit: i would never do that pigman: dont be shy send the link biandtired: this is just you going off on techno be=cause he punched you last week wiblersuit: no it iasnt wiblersuit: https://forms.gle/pkncmZTRBZg3yF4a6 [a/n: that is an actual link to the actual quiz. feel free to take it if you so desire.] pigman: ah yes pigman: iasnt wiblersuit: shut SAMMYBOY: oh youre all awake? wiblersuit: not rlly but yeah pigman: thats contradictory mr soot wiblersuit: youre the worst mr blade SAMMYBOY: you two have a very entertaining dynamic 8:43 AM nikichu: good morning everyone! vroomvroom: good morning niki nihachu :) thequackster: pog pog pog pog pogp po gpo gpo pg op opgpogp pog pgo pogp goppgo pigman: agreed

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> BYE RANBOO GIVES ME SO MUCH HAPPY CHEMICAL MY ADHD IS LATCHING OHGODOHNO


	12. thinkin bout making a songfic later...

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> ahaha back to More Sad Shit and stuff

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i am Sad so i write Sad what else do you want from me  
> (also might make a different chat fic becauise this is getting tiriing to write so i might just Dip and let you suffer with no ending :))

9:16 PM  
wilbersuit: hello gang  
nikichu: hi wilbur :)  
wiblersuit: are you the only one awake?  
nikichu: seems that way  
gimmemoney: hello i am here  
wiblersuit: god, no  
gimmemoney: guess its just us three ;)  
wiblersuit: please let someone else be awake  
wiblersuit: TECHNO I CAN HEAR YOU GET IN HERE @pigman PLS  
pigman: cant  
wiblersuit: fucking uh  
wiblersuit: why?  
pigman: busy  
wiblersuit: oi brov where you off to m8  
pigman: out  
wiblersuit: aight fair enough  
nikichu: this is worrying  
wiblersuit: we are a very worrying family, niki nihachu  
nikichu: as if i didnt know that  
wiblersuit: manic pixie dream girl  
nikichu: what?  
wiblersuit: youre the manic pixie dream girl, pink hair and all  
nikichu: is that a compliemtn??????  
wiblersuit: idk maybe  
gimmemoney: jfc get a roomMmMM  
dre: hypocrite  
gogy: youre also a hypocrite  
wiblersuit: holy fuck youre awake thank god  
gogy: onfortunately  
dre: great spelling george /s  
gogy: chkoe and die  
dre: anything for u <333  
gogy: fuck off pls  
dre: anything for u <33333333  
gimmemoney: wilbur that could be us  
wiblersuit: your block button is looking so good rn  
bigpog: oi go to bed  
nikichu: wilbur watch this  
wiblersuit: ???  
[nikichu changed her name to ManicPixieDreamGirl]  
wiblersuit: EYYY NICE  
ManicPixieDreamGirl: thank you :)  
dre: hey little pissbaby you think youre so fucking cool  
wiblersuit: says the pisbaby who thinks hes so fucking cool, huh? you think youre so fucking tough? you talk a lot of big game for someone with such a small truckk  
gogy: both of you can go to hell right fucking now  
wiblersuit: bet

[we are just so tired and so hot god]  
9:52 PM  
pigman: phil philjf  
bigpog: yeah??  
pigman: i did somdething bad  
bigpog: did tommy take your phone  
pigman: gofn no  
pigman: cna you caal me ai ca nt find yeiur contact  
bigpog: yeah sure

bigpog: wil tommy im going out  
wblersuit: why??  
bigpog: techno crashed his car  
child: he wauisfd what???  
bigpog: im going to get him rn  
bigpog: get someone to drive you to the hospital to meet us there  
wiblersuit: ok ok ok hithis is fine efuck  
child: wlbur eisa npanicnking huhuhhghhhhhhh  
pigman: yes because tahst f coherent  
bigpog: stop texting you might fucking die

SiMP  
10:02 PM  
wiblersuit: help hepl hepl hepl ehopelh pl  
nikichu: you ok?  
wiblersuit: no  
nikichu: elaborate?  
bigpog: will, dont. techno says he doesnt want yout to.  
wiblersuit: ok  
child: ahahahaha iemd iufbwiebwo  
toob: was that a sentence or just a keysmash?  
child: ketysmash  
toob: alriet pofg  
ranboo: this is very scary whats going on  
gimmemoney: just read the chat dumbass ranboo: oh right ranboo: you're playing me. smart. gimmemoney: ahaha loserrrr ranboo: _@ManicPixieDreamGirl_ schlatt is being mean :( ManicPixieDreamGirl: schlatt i will kick u gimmemoney: wilbur will just add me back you fool ManicPixieDreamGirl: no i will actually kick you in the shins gimmemoney: less ideal, i'm good biandtired: does anyone want to explain why the watson family just sped past me with blood on the windows of their cars ranboo: crime? wiblersuit: no im not allowed to tell you ranboo: crime

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Don't need a fortune teller  
> I can see my future fine  
> I'm going nowhere  
> All my friends will leave me behind  
> And sometimes, late at night,  
> I let it make me cry  
> Service industry  
> Is where I will spend out my days  
> Don't read my name tag,  
> I'm wearing someone else's anyways  
> You don't need to know my name  
> 'Cause after all I've been through  
> And after all I've seen  
> I know the world is not a nice place  
> To those of us who breathe  
> Went to a fortune teller  
> She confirmed all my worst fears:  
> Life is one long fight  
> And the future's filled with tears  
> But who cares? I'm still here  
> Want that to be clear  
> Because it's worth it  
> Every ache I'll ever feel  
> Left in comparison to the love that  
> I can't help but reveal  
> I may be scared  
> But I'll find strength in fear  
> I won't go down in history  
> Whatever that may mean  
> But when the world is ending  
> At least I've said my peace  
> At least I've said my peace  
> And when the world is ending  
> At least I've said my peace
> 
> bye lol


	13. bye uwu

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> techno in the hospital what will he do  
> akak im back on my bullshit, theyre being dumb again lol

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> jusat might write another fuckin chatfic and only add onto this once in a blue moon idk we'll see

8:26 PM  
ranboo: are we still worried about techno  
gimmemoney: ehhhh  
pigman: wow rude  
bigpog: techno how did you get your phone  
pigman: because wilbur is a simp  
wiblersuit: we are twins  
pigman: simp  
dre: this is twincest  
gimmemoney: hot  
notafurry: wheres the /j  
notafurry: schlatt where is the /j  
notafurry: schlatt?  
gimmemoney: hot  
notafurry: schlatt pls  
pigman: hospital food is shit, how does dream survive in here  
dre: youre??? in?????? hospital???????  
pigman: who told you that  
dre: you did  
pigman: you have no proof  
dre: i literally do but ok go off i guess  
snapmap: imagine bieng in the hospital  
snapmap: wish it were me i think i mightve broken my foot  
gogy: how.  
snapmap: wouldnt u like to know weather boy  
gogy: i would. i asked. dumb bitch.  
snapmap: none or ur business >:(  
dre: it was something very dumb  
pigman: spill the tea  
wiblersuit: never speak again  
snapmap: dream pls  
dre: he was at the top of the stairs, and he yelled "bet you i could jump down the whole flight of stairs" and i said "no, thats very dumb, even for you" and he proceeded to jump down and now hes blaming me for egging him on, which... no  
snpamap: he is lying do not trust him  
pigman: sapnap you are very dumb  
gogy: jfc dream can you drivce him to de hospital  
toob: oi mr. minercaft man is tommy awake  
pigman: minercaft  
dre:  minercaft  
child: leaveew him aloen  
pigman: aloen

  
bigpog: all of you should og to bed  
pigman: its 8 pm  
bigpog: and you almost died stfu and go to bed  
wiblersuit: if i almost died would you care phil?  
bigpog: by obligation yeah  
wiblersuit: wooooooow  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> sorry its short i am simply Tired and burt nout but its fine lmao


	14. k wait i can just write the chatfic on my phone wow i’m dumb

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> fucking uh  
> shit??

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i sat there writing this in class while listening to khai dreams for like an hour, i hope you enjoy (also i forgot that i can literally write this on my phone i am so fucking stupid lmao)

4:32 AM  
pigman: oh family of mine i require sustenance  
wiblersuit: hi it’s 4 am why now  
pigman: because i am hungry and high on painkillers pls get me food  
gimmemoney: ahaha imagine being high  
dre: dream left his phone near me so i now own it  
gogy: pogchamp?  
dre: pigchamp indeed  
pigman: YOOO PIGCHAMP  
wiblersuit: that’s incredible, thank you person who has dreams phone  
dre: it’s sapnap :)  
vroomvroom: hello dreamspanap  
thequackster: spanap supremacy  
pigman: i can’t get over pigchamp that’s so good  
[pigman changed their nickname to pigchamp]  
wiblersuit: as you should tbh  
ManicPixieDreamGirl: why are you all awake it is 4 am  
child: homes as ecodns   
pigchamp: learn to type pls  
[child added theGrind]  
thGrind: why  
child: jack i nede you to say hte thing  
theGrind: the  
theGrind: the thing?  
child: can’t stop thta jack manifold grind  
theGrind: is that all i’m here for  
child: ...maysbe  
pigchamp: maysbe   
theGrind: can’t stop that jack manifold grind  
child: YEAHHHH  
ManicPixieDreamGirl: hi jack  
theGrind: hello niki(???)  
ManicPixieDreamGirl: you got it :)  
theGrind: pog time to mute this chat because tommy’s here  
biandtired: i respect that decision so much  
bigpog: why are you all fucking awake  
theGrind: ...can’t stop that jack manifold grind  
child: KWVSJWVJS  
ranboo: oh are we having an online sleepover?  
biandtired: oh absolutely  
bigpog: it’s pretty much morning tf do you mean sleepover  
ranboo: sleepover!   
pigchamp: i’m not sleeping tho  
wiblersuit: you should be  
pigchamp: make me  
wiblersuit: bet  
pigchamp: please don’t use chloroform again  
ranboo: again???  
bigpog: we don’t talk about that  
pigchamp: The Incident  
ranboo: whatthefuck  
gimmemoney: ranboo has sweared   
thequackster: pog???  
dre: thinkin bout joining the mafia  
gogy: is this still sapnap  
dre: wouldn’t u like to know ;)  
gogy: it’s still spanpan  
pigchamp: ah yes, spanpan, what an amazing name  
ranboo: new sapnap nickname alert  
vroomvroom: we should make a list  
thequackster: agreed  
vroomvroom: agreed  
thequackster: agreed  
pigchamp: no  
vroomvroom: agreed  
pigchamp: pls no not again  
thequackster: agreed  
vroomvroom: agreed  
thequackster: ok we’re done now  
pigchamp: maybe there is a god /j  
notafurry: someone please tell me why you’re all awake rn  
wiblersuit: techno go to sleep you almost died  
pigchamp: technoblade never dies  
bigpog: if you’re still awake by the time i get to your room technoblade might die  
pigchamp: technoblade is suddenly asleep it’s a miracle  
bigpog: fine technoblade might not die  
pigchamp: sleep is for the weak uwu  
wiblersuit: you fucking idiot  
pigchamp: whore  
wiblersuit: coward  
pigchamp: hypocrite  
wiblersuit: jerk  
pigchamp: bitchboy  
wiblersuit: furry  
pigchamp: too far  
gimmemoney: ur gonna offend fundy, wilbur  
notafurry: i hate you all so very much  
dre: mwah mwah <33  
notafurry: ew  
dre: ;)  
notafurry: pls stop  
vroomvroom: oh dreams in my room hello dream  
dre: how???  
vroomvroom: i do not know  
vroomvroom: hi it’s dream sapnap when i get home you better give me my phone or so help me god you will not live to see the sun rise :)  
vroomvroom: dream is gone now  
dre: it’s my phone now uwu  
pigchamp: uwu  
child: sopt   
pigchamp: ok time to take more fucking uhhh drugs  
dre: my foot hurts  
gogy: i wonder fucking why  
dre: me too :(  
gogy: you are the dumbest motherfucker i’ve ever had the displeasure of meeting  
dre: ily george U3U  
gogy: i hope your foot hurts for the rest of the day  
dre: it’s broken, george of course it’s gonna fuckin hurt  
vroomvroom: go to the hospital you honking moron????  
dre: i can’t drive there, dream is Nowhere, and george can’t drive  
dre: wtf do you want me to do  
pigchamp: i could drive you  
pigchamp: nvm i forgot my car got totalled lmao  
wiblersuit: bitch you got totalled your car is not the problem here  
pigchamp: i disagree  
ManicPixieDreamGirl: wait you crashed your car  
pigchamp: no the lamp post got in he way  
wiblersuit: yeah he crashed his car  
pigchamp: it was still graceful as fuck  
wiblersuit: you have broken ribs how graceful could it have been  
thequackster: broken???? ribs???????  
pigchamp: lol yeah  
gimmemoney: metal  
notafurry: not the reaction you should have but ok

9:35 AM  
SAMMYBOY: hello groupchat! i hope everyone managed to get at least a little sleep :)  
theGrind: sam you are a gift to this earth pls never change  
SAMMYBOY: thank you! that’s very sweet :)  
child: samsaa mays dfavoureot  
pigchamp: what  
toon: sam is tommys favourite  
pigchamp: ok that’s fair sam is very cool  
SAMMYBOY: guys pls i can’t handle this rn  
ManicPixieDreamGirl: are you ok?  
SAMMYBOY: yeah, i’m ok, don’t worry! i just don’t deal with compliments well :P  
bbhalo: hi sam!  
gogy: bad you’re alive  
gogy: that’s new  
dre: BAD :D  
bbhalo: hi dream :)  
dre: it’s sapnap actually, dream is on another Mission Thing  
bbhalo: oh, ok  
bbhalo: hi sapnap :)  
skeep: whzhqhsh hi  
bbhalo: hi skeppy owo  
skeep: owo  
skeep: bye  
dre: oh ok

12:01 PM  
wiblersuit: techno has officially been passed out for like six hours  
SAMMYBOY: i heard what happened, is he doing ok?  
wiblersuit: i think he’ll be fine, but he has to stay in the hospital for a bit  
dre: speaking of hospitals is anyone available to drive me to it  
SAMMYBOY: ...why  
dre: reasons??  
dre: hi it’s dream sapnaps arm is about to be broken as well as his foot  
gogy: dream pls don’t break his arm  
wiblersuit: where did you go off to green bean?  
dre: places and shit  
wiblersuit: very helpful, thank you dream  
SAMMYBOY: if sapnap needs a ride i’d be happy to give him one :)  
gimmemoney: so many opportunities with that text  
notafurry: shut the fuck up  
gimmemoney: why don’t you come over and make me <3  
wiblersuit: bet  
gimmemoney: shit wait nevermind  
gimmemoney: wilbur please stop sending me these images  
notafurry: ...porn?  
gimmemoney: worse than that  
ManicPixieDreamGirl: are you sending him The Birds?  
wiblersuit: mmhmm  
ManicPixieDreamGirl: yeah it’s worse than porn  
ranboo: i’m scared to ask but what are The Birds?  
wiblersuit: [TheBirds_file.png]  
ranboo: oh that  
ranboo: that’s horrifying  
SAMMYBOY: where did you even find those?  
wiblersuit: that’s for me to know and you to find out  
theGrind: why did i come back to see birds with horse mouths  
wiblersuit: they aren’t horse mouths, it’s just the teeth  
theGrind: they’re so scary please get them away  
snapmap: it’s art, shut up mr. manifold >:(  
[child added squishsquashsquirtyguy to SiMP]  
wiblersuit: we are changing that name immediately  
squishsquashsquirtyguy: WAIT NO PLS  
child: everyyowne says hi to cahrlie sliemsicle  
[wiblersuit changed squishsqaushsquirtyguy’s nickname to Slime Boy]  
Slime Boy: significantly less cool but ok whatever  
ManicPixieDreamGirl: hello charlie :)  
gimmemoney: hey cralseh   
Slime Boy: c r a l s e h   
Slime Boy: i love it  
SAMMYBOY: i don’t believe we’ve met. i’m sam :)  
Slime Charlie: i am mr. charlie “destroyer of worlds” slimecicle  
SAMMYBOY: lol nice to meet you charlie slimecicle :)  
pigchamp: i have Awoken  
wiblersuit: [technosoft.png]  
pigchamp: photoshopped  
ManicPixieDreamGirl: ok the cuddles are cute but jesus christ techno you look very broken  
wiblersuit: that’s because he is  
pigchamp: nah i’m fiiiiine  
Slime Boy: no that looks terrible  
ranboo: it looks very painful, actually  
pigchamp: wimps  
pigchamp: dream can you change the chat name to wimps  
pigchamp: that would be funny i think  
dre: no that’s not as funny  
pigchamp: how dare you bully an injured man, you’re a horrible person mr green bean  
dre: pls stop calling me that  
pigchamp: broccoli boy  
dre: nevermind that’s worse  
pigchamp: wilbur pls stop  
ManicPixieDreamGirl: oh god what is he doing now  
pigchamp: none of your business  
wiblersuit: i started running my fingers through his hair and i don’t think he can form a coherent sentence because of it so he’s yelling at me here instead of irl  
pigchamp: ok literally shut the fuck up  
toob: tecnosoft  
Slime Boy: lmao technosfto  
pigchamp: stop bullying me i just survived death  
bigpog: no you didn’t  
pigchamp: yes i did  
pigchamp: ok nevermind fuck ow everything hurts  
wiblersuit: i wonder why  
gimmemoney: that’s so ominous what the fuck  
child: HAJZHKAV TECHNOA SI AABELEDING  
toob: maybe call a docter?  
ManicPixieDreamGirl: doctor*  
toob: doctor  
wiblersuit: he’ll be fine  
bigpog: wilbur.   
wiblersuit: ok fine i’ll get him more drugs, jesus  
pigchamp: kids please don’t crash your car it is not fun, i came to this conclusion with my thorough research and lots of deliberation  
ranboo: u good?  
pigchamp: fuckin peachy  
ranboo: ok  
pigchamp: /s  
ranboo: oh uhhh get well soon?? idk what to say here my guy  
pigchamp: wilbur come back  
wiblersuit: do you want drugs or not  
pigchamp: yes but come back  
wiblersuit: i have to get your drugs stop whining  
theGrind: technosoft is better than normal technoblade  
Slime Boy: agreed  
pigchamp: this is harassment   
bigpog: it’s isn’t but ok  
ManicPixieDreamGirl: kids halloween costumes are very strange, like look at this one  
ManicPixieDreamGirl: [weed_baby.jpeg]  
gimmemoney: i would wear that  
thequackster: FUCKING WEED BABY LETS GOOO  
ManicPixieDreamGirl: [juniormints_baby.jpeg]  
vroomvroom: i could pull that off, i think  
thequackster: you absolutely could  
snapmap: omg you’d look so cute <3  
pigchamp: omg reminds me of omega three   
pigchamp: sorry ok continue  
ManicPixieDreamGirl: [cursedminion_baby.jpeg]  
vroomvroom: oh that’s a lot of purple paint  
thequackster: god ok you know the main villain of despicable me 2?  
snapmap: yeah?  
thequackster: he’s v hot  
dre: PLEASE THAT MAN IS BUILT LIKE A FUCKING CIRCLE  
snapmap: no no  
snapmap: he has a point  
thequackster: you could get lost in that chest hair 😩  
vroomvroom: quackity pls you’re in public  
dre: HES SO UGLY WHAT TEH FUCK  
thequackster: BITCH YOUR TASTE IS SO SHIT WTF DO YOU THINK YOURE TALKING ABOUT  
dre: MY TASTE IS MUCH BETTER THAN YOURS WHO DESIGNED THIS MAN  
thequackster: A GENIUS FUCK YOU  
dre: HES SO UGLY WHAT THE FUCKKK  
thequackster: [el_macho_mybeloved.jpg] hot  
vroomvroom: ...no  
biandtired: not my type but i can see it  
dre: DUDE NO HES ACTUALLY SO UGLY  
snapmap: hot  
ManicPixieDreamGirl: ohhh that guy  
ManicPixieDreamGirl: i don’t like him  
thequackster: y’all are so wack wtf  
dre: he’s uglyyyy  
thequackster: HES A DREAMBOAT FUCK YOU  
dre: FUCK YOU MY MANS GENES ARE SO FUCKED LIKE LOOK AT HIS HEAD ITS SO SMALL ITS A FUCKING TRIANGLE  
biandtired: you sure are passionate about this, dream  
dre: wh  
dre: what are you implying  
biandtired: the first stage is denial  
dre: OK FUCK OF FI AM NOT GRIEVING   
thequackster: FIRST STAGE IS DENIAL YOU WANT TO KISS HIM SO BAD  
dre: NO I DO NOT  
bigpog: what the fuck did i walk into  
pigchamp: idk man i’ve just been watching while the drugs take over my brain  
wiblersuit: they’re arguing because quackity thinks el macho is hot and he is Wrong so we’re bullying dream  
bigpog: ok i’ll take that as my cue to leave   
Slime Boy: more than fair  
gimmemoney: el macho is the main character, sexiest man alive  
dre: HE ISNT REAL BUT GO OFF IG  
ranboo: you aren’t real either my guy  
dre: or maybe that’s just what i want you to think  
ranboo: bestie i can’t handle this today 😃  
thequackster: schlatt agrees with me, i’m right  
wiblersuit: if schlatts on your side it is a bad thing  
gimmemoney: that’s so mean wilbur :(  
wiblersuit: good that was the point 

Private Message - pigchamp & wiblersuit  
3:14 PM  
pigchamp: wilbur where did u go  
wiblersuit: home?? i need a shower  
pigchamp: come back  
wiblersuit: dude i need a shower before i lose my mind you’ll be fine  
pigchamp: wilbur pls  
wiblersuit: haha you’re clingyyy  
pigchamp: wilbur please i’m very upset and in so much pain and dad is asleep and tommy is with tubbo and i just want someone here  
wiblersuit: techno being vulnerable?? sounds fake but ok????  
pigchamp: shut up i’m on several drugs and have no filter just let me have this  
wiblersuit: ok i still need a shower but i’ll be fast  
pigchamp: i think the painkillers have stopped working fuck auxbwj  
wiblersuit: ok keep texting me anything you want, you don’t have to send it, and i’ll be there soon. ok?  
pigchamp: ok that’s ok  
wiblersuit: ok  
wiblersuit: and techno?  
pigchamp: quwhat   
wiblersuit: love you :)  
pigchamp: ha loser  
pigchamp: i love you too

[wiblersuit created a groupchat]  
[wiblersuit names the groupchat “technosoft pog”]  
[wiblersuit has added bigpog, ManicPixieDreamGirl, and 2 others to “technosoft pog”]  
3:32 PM  
wiblersuit: soundoff  
dre: why  
ranboo: whats the purpose of this one?  
ManicPixieDreamGirl: what’s happening now?  
wiblersuit: techno is being more vulnerable and idk what to fucking uhh do??? i need help here  
ranboo: sounds fake but ok  
wiblersuit: yeah that’s what i said  
ManicPixieDreamGirl: just ask him what he needs??? it’s not hard  
wiblersuit: but ok he won’t answer me he’s fucking technoblade  
wiblersuit: wait gimme a sec  
[wiblersuit kicked bigpog from technosoft pog]  
wiblersuit: i don’t think techno wants phil to know how much he’s hurting for Reasons or smth  
ranboo: oh that’s fun /s  
dre: just text him privately?? you dumb fucker???  
wiblersuit: but it’s awkward  
dre: it ain’t but go off ig  
wiblersuit: how do i even start that conversation  
ManicPixieDreamGirl: “hey techno, i know this must be hard for you, and i want to help in any way i can. do you need anything, and if so what? i’m here for you” etcetera  
wiblersuit: you’re so much better at this than i am  
ManicPixieDreamGirl: it just takes practice and basic human kindness not hard  
ranboo: you’re welcome for the practise ig  
ManicPixieDreamGirl: just let him know you’re there for him and that it’s ok to be open with you  
dre: and if he says not to tell phil don’t tell phil  
wiblersuit: ok i knew that part i’m not an idiot broccoli boy  
dre: can we please let broccoli boy die  
wiblersuit: you’ll have to pry it from my cold dead hands

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ranboo’s discord is my home now lmao


	15. LMAO HEY KNEECAPS

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> NOT ONE MY IRLS SAYIBG THEY FOUDN THAI FIC LMAO HEY WHATS UP YOU WHORE

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> anyways hi

2:31 AM  
pigchamp: who is awake because i am not  
bigpog: you should sleep  
pigchamp: ew  
dre: i also am not asleep  
dre: wait  
dre: i think u fucked up your wording  
pigchamp: and?  
dre: aight  
bigpog: techno pls sleep  
wiblersuit: stfu sir craft  
bigpog: i will disown you  
wiblersuit: wait actually don’t do that  
bigpog: don’t test me  
wiblersuit: dad pls don’t that will upset me very much  
bigpog: as it should  
pigchamp: i request more drugs  
bigpog: painkillers?  
pigchamp: no i want fucking weed  
pigchamp: of course the painkillers  
dre: you’re such an asshole since you almost died  
pigchamp: let me have this  
bigpog: techno go to sleep  
pigchamp: no <3  
dre: haha get noed  
wiblersuit: i don’t like you, dream  
dre: your problem not mine   
[dre changed their nickname to greenUwUgamer]  
pigchamp: why  
greenUwUgamer: because i’m a green uwu gamer uwu  
bigpog: i leave for two seconds and i come back to this  
pigchamp: just let it happen it’s fine  
wiblersuit: techno whatcha doin over there my guy  
pigchamp: sobbing 🖐😔  
wiblersuit: wait srsly??  
pigchamp: no??  
bigpog: wilbur i’m going home to take care of the Child, can you stay with techno for the day?  
child: IAMS NTO A FUCKING SCHILD  
toob: when the only words you can type correctly are swers   
pigchamp: this is neglect  
bigpog: it literally isn’t but ok  
wiblersuit: i can handle the pig boy  
bigpog: text me if you need anything, ok?  
pigchamp: ok uwu xD  
greenUwUgamer: god i hate you  
pigchamp: heart been broke so many times  
greenUwUgamer: what have you become  
pigchamp: my best self tbh  
[wiblersuit changed greenUwUgamer’s nickname to broccoliboy]  
wiblersuit: you’re welcome  
broccoliboy: noooo  
pigchamp: haha broccoli boy that’s the worst vegetable  
broccoliboy: wilbur why  
wiblersuit: because i’m hilarious  
broccoliboy: untrue but pop off ig  
snapmap: good morning???  
broccoliboy: hello  
snapmap: did i miss something  
broccoliboy: just me getting bullied by wilbur and techno again nbd  
wiblersuit: i think techno just fucking died  
snapmap: um?????  
Slime Boy: ok i’ve been observing for the past ten minutes and i’m popping in to say What The Fuck??  
wiblersuit: he just???? passed out????? what do i do??????  
Slime Boy: you’re in a hospital call a doctor  
broccoliboy: yeah call a doctor you moron  
wiblersuit: ok brb i’m brbing time to brb  
snapmap: anyways can someone please drive me to the hospital i’m in so much pain lmao  
broccoliboy: why did you put lmao at the end of that sentence  
snapmap: it distracts me from the agony lol  
broccoliboy: hey homie you good 😃  
snapmap: no can you call an ambulance i can’t stand up anymore it hurts so bad pls help 😃  
broccoliboy: oh shit ok i can drive you  
snapmap: thankyousomuch  
gogy: why haven’t you gone to the hospital yet  
snapmap: my reasoning is beyond your mortal understanding, gogs   
gogy: never call me that again  
snapmap: gogs 🥺🥺  
gogy: die

4:21 AM  
snapmap: i’m in so much pain uwu  
broccoliboy: suffer   
snapmap: they had to rebreak my foot, dream. you cannot make fun of me rn.   
pigchamp: ha sucker  
ManicPixieDreamGirl: why did they have to rebreak your foot  
snapmap: something something fast healer something something gonna heal wrong and then they told me “this’ll hurt”  
gogy: did it?  
snapmap: yes, very much   
pigchamp: imagine feeling pain sounds cringe  
wiblersuit: techno stop talking out of your ass  
pigchamp: stop being an ass  
wiblersuit: i will leave you here  
pigchamp: dont you dare  
wiblersuit: what are you gonna do? stop me?  
pigchamp: yes.   
wiblersuit: don’t even try you’ll hurt yourself  
pigchamp: ow fuck arm ribs arm ribs shoulder

Private Message - pigchamp & wiblersuit  
4:42 AM  
wiblersuit: techno are you crying over there  
pigchamp: no  
wiblersuit: i can literally hear you  
pigchamp: i’m laughing  
wiblersuit do you want a hug or smth  
pigchamp: no fuck off  
wiblersuit: do you want me to come over and hold your hand  
pigchamp: ...  
pigchamp: yeah  
wiblersuit: ok  
wiblersuit: no talking?  
pigchamp: nope  
wiblersuit: how you feelin?  
pigchamp: tired and in pain but you know that’s just how it is sometimes  
wiblersuit: you’re allowed to cry i won’t care stop trying to hide it it’s getting sad  
pigchamp: ily wilbur  
wiblersuit: as you should  
wiblersuit: love you too, you dumb bitch furryindenial   
pigchamp: nevermind fuck you  
wiblersuit: <3

technosoft  
4:47 AM  
wiblersuit: guys i think techno might be upset  
ranboo: can’t imagine why that would be /s  
ManicPixieDreamGirl: try talking to him about it, maybe?   
wiblersuit: but hhhhhhh no???  
broccoliboy: coward  
wiblersuit: fuck you  
broccoliboy: gladly  
ManicPixieDreamGirl: wilbur how long has it been since techno has been any type of emotional  
wiblersuit: uh  
wiblersuit: never?  
ManicPixieDreamGirl: god your family is so consistent  
wiblersuit: thank... you?  
ranboo: idk if that was a compliment?  
ManicPixieDreamGirl: it wasn’t. that’s not a good thing, wilbur.   
wiblersuit: we’re just built different ig  
broccoliboy: funny way of saying you all get no bitches  
wiblersuit: fuck you i get so many bitches  
broccoliboy: ok wilbur “i’ve been rejected 27 times” soot-craft  
ranboo: as funny as this is i think we should stay on topic  
wiblersuit: i am Worried about him  
ManicPixieDreamGirl: then talk to him about it idk what else to tell you  
wiblersuit: i hate you all   
broccoliboy: <3  
wiblersuit: you don’t have the right to do that to me  
ranboo: i just realized i’m the only one here with a boring nickname  
ranboo: i must fix this

SiMP  
5:01 AM  
[child added AWooGA to SiMP]  
AWooGA: oh hello  
ranboo: i’m gonna take a guess and say that’s purpled?  
AWooGA: hey ranboo  
ranboo: hi purpled :)  
broccoliboy: hello small purple boy  
AWooGA: omg my favourite homeless green motherfucker  
broccoliboy: i take back my hello, fuck you >:(  
AWooGA: i’m flattered  
bigpog: is wilbur awake  
wiblersuit: mmmyellow  
bigpog: i forgot to ask why you added me to a groupchat and then immediately kicked me??  
wiblersuit: reasons  
bigpog: mad sus but ok  
child: daaaaaaaaaad  
bigpog: what  
child: can i sere technoaa?  
pigchamp: no i’m asleep  
AWooGA: *doubt*  
biandtired: why am i hearing the distant sounds of lemon demon  
ranboo: that would be me  
biandtired: but you’re??? right beside me????  
ranboo: yep  
biandtired: how does that even work  
ranboo: it follows me  
biandtired: i  
biandtired: ok sure  
Slime Boy: i think it’s important to tell you all that schlatt is currently sending me sonic porn  
gimmemoney: why would it be important to tell them that  
Slime Boy: why would you send me sonic porn  
wiblersuit: and why would you pick sonic porn out of everything  
pigchamp: not what we’re confused about here but ok  
wiblersuit: it’s what i’m confused about  
ranboo: go to honry jail  
toob: h o n r y j a i l  
child: we are aminross what’s would yaous sus dhists ian’s tout awxhildcrisnds disocrd   
AWooGA: bruh  
toob: “we are minors why wuold you say this is our child freindly discord”  
AWooGA: how  
toob: i can’t read normaly so reading tommys texts is very easy  
toob: it’s a gift  
toob: a useless useless gift  
AWooGA: i feel so bad for you  
child: ghossis is dalnxersl   
toob: “this is slander”  
AWooGA: wee waa tommy can’t handle some mean words

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i need to be put down


	16. hazel my beloved

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> another short chapter with no substance because i have No ideas and my brain is fried from writing. i have over 5000 words of a chapter done and god fucking dammit i still have more to do i’m suffering

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> also ahaha imagine sharing your account with someone willingly could be me rn *cries in inability to keep a secret*

SiMP  
11:12 AM  
snapmap: karl my love do you have notes for algebra i’m in the hospital  
vroomvroom: i’m not even in your class bb  
thequackster: lmao imagine being in algebra  
snapmap: fuck u <3  
thequackster: love u too :3  
vroomvroom: <333  
broccoliboy: god you guys are so gay 🙄🙄  
snapmap: ok dnf 🙄🙄  
broccoliboy: ASKSHF SHUT THE FUCK UPPP  
gogy: did someone say dnf   
broccoliboy: GEORGE NOT NOWW  
gogy: my dream <3  
broccoliboy: omg not the pda 😳  
gimmemoney: and suddenly i’m homophobic  
wiblersuit: and this is new???  
gimmemoney: you think so low of me  
wiblersuit: it’s deserved tbf   
gimmemoney: i’m not saying i agree but that’s fair  
AWooGA: what is up gamers  
wiblersuit: just running some errands  
Slime Boy: does anyone care to explain why i see wilbur walking outside my house carrying a bucket of water  
wiblersuit: it’s errands  
wiblersuit: and we live in the same neighborhood  
Slime Boy: whats in the bucket  
wiblersuit: my new pet fish  
Slime Boy: pls get rid of it  
wiblersuit: why  
Slime Boy: The Incident  
wiblersuit: there are so many The Incidents you’ll need to be more specific  
Slime Boy: ok wilbur “my username in 2015 was fishfucker69420pogchamp and it wasn’t ironic and based off personal experience” soot-craft  
wiblersuit: you’re living in the past  
Slime Boy: wilbur you actually committed a crime against nature  
wiblersuit: you’re a crime against nature  
Slime Boy: ik but arguably yours was worse  
biandtired: wait what happened?  
Slime Boy: yes wilbur. what happened.   
wiblersuit: one night stand  
biandtired: ok not that bad why is charlie freaking out abt it  
wiblersuit: uhhhh  
Slime Boy: just say it i’m not helping you here  
bigpog: oh god what did you do  
pigchamp: suddenly i’m awake to see what the fuck is happening  
AWooGA: i have a feeling i know what it is  
wiblersuit: i’m not saying it fuck you charlie i’ll put the fish back  
Slime Boy: do you want me to tell them  
wiblersuit: no??????  
Slime Boy: wilbur had _~intercourse~_ with a salmon  
pigchamp: oh right i forgot about that  
wiblersuit: CHARLIE WHY  
Slime Boy: they had to know, wilbur  
wiblersuit: NO RHEY FUCKING DIDNT JAGSKSH  
broccoliboy: fishfucker69420 is canon  
wiblersuit: OK I WAS HIGH OFF MY ASS TBF  
AWooGA: i was right lmao  
bigpog: i can’t believe i raised you wilbur  
child: EW BEUHHH WHAT TEHFBCUK  
gimmemoney: did y’all seriously not know about that  
child: NO????!?!?!?!??!1?!?  
broccoliboy: i expected worse tbh  
snapmap: y’all really out here being homophobci when wilbur literally fucked a salmon  
wiblersuit: STOP SAYING IT  
pigchamp: stop saying what? wilbur fucked a salmon?  
wiblersuit: I WILL INJURE YOU MORE STFU  
thequackster: was it good  
gogy: why is that your question   
notafurry: what the fuck  
AWooGA: oh hello Not A Furry how are you

wiblersuit: brb sobbing

Private Message - child & wiblersuit  
12:32 PM  
child: wen aaer you comsibg hoem   
wiblersuit: idk eventually  
wiblersuit: why?? you being clingy or smth????  
child: i jsut msiss yuo  
wiblersuit: haha clingyyyyyy  
wiblersuit: i’ll try to come home tonight is that good  
child: sure whyaever butcgboy  
wiblersuit: ly tommy  
child: grosds 

SiMP  
1:12 PM  
ranboo: i guess we’re being quiet today  
ManicPixieDreamGirl: i don’t know what you’re planning but i’m gonna have to say no  
ranboo: i would never plan anything what are you talking about  
ranboo: _@biandtired_ eret i have a request  
ManicPixieDreamGirl: ranboo no  
biandtired: you called?  
ranboo: i request The Bars  
ManicPixieDreamGirl: NO  
toob: oh boy more bars  
pigchamp: actually some bars would be nice i’ve had nothing but hospital food for like three days  
ranboo: yoooo can we all go and visit techno  
biandtired: im very down   
pigchamp: pls no you’re all so annoying  
broccoliboy: you know you love us  
pigchamp: ew  
ranboo: we’re already in the car  
pigchamp: god why  
wiblersuit: im bringing tommy lol  
pigchamp: GOD NO  
child: FUCKEING RUXE HWKD ARE YOU  
toob: dream dream dream you shoud totaly drive me there  
broccoliboy: ugggghhhh fine  
toob: poggg

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> HowToHandleFame.jpeg

**Author's Note:**

> i'm a shit writer so this is all you're getting, just chat fics. you do not have a say.  
> have fun lmao


End file.
